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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    That’s One Shell Of A Cat-astrophe

    | Michigan, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “Welcome to [business name]. How can I help you?”

    Couple: “We need a carpet cleaner. We saw this one in the ad.”

    Me: “It’s right over here.” *takes them to the cleaner*

    Couple: “We have cat vomit everywhere.”

    Me: “Well, this should help. Here are some of its features—”

    Couple: “We can’t even have company over. It’s embarrassing. There is so much cat vomit on the floor!”

    Me: “Well, this one over here has better brushes.” *demonstrates another product*

    Couple: “If our landlord were to see it, we’d get evicted. There is so much cat vomit!”

    Me: “Well, this model is what I recommend.” *still showing features*

    Couple: “…and the cats drag their meat all over the house.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Couple: “We feed them raw meat, and they keep dragging it all over the house. It gets in the carpet!”

    Me: “Wow. Yeah, this should help get that out.”

    Couple: “We’ll take it. What sort of soap can we use with this?”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t have to be the same brand. Here’s some.” *shows them some soap*

    Couple: “Is that going to be safe for our turtle?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Couple: “We also have a turtle that we let roam around. This soap won’t hurt him, will it?”

    The (H)owling

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (I call a customer because her order has arrived.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [store]. Your owl has arrived. You can pick him up at your convenience.”

    Customer: “Great! I’ll come by today!”

    Me: “If you need any advice, you can call us any time.”

    Customer: “Oh, but I’ve read up on owls. Raw meat every day and walks twice a day! And buy ear plugs before every full moon!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, you know it’s a bird, right?”

    Don’t Wake The Fishies

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | Pets & Animals

    (The phone rings. I am on the sales floor in front of our tanks of fish for sale.)

    Caller: “Hi, I need you to get on the computer and look up what fish you have and how much they are.”

    Me: “I’d be glad to help you out. I’m standing right in front of the fish, so I can actually tell you right now how much they are and how many we have.”

    Caller: “No, I need you to get on the computer and look it up. I can’t easily come down to the store, so I want to see how many of each fish you have and what the price is.”

    Me: “What species were you looking for? I can just look and tell you how many we have and what the price is. It will be faster and more accurate than the inventory program, which I don’t have access to anyway.”

    Caller: “You can’t get on the computer?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, but I’d be happy to just look at the fish themselves. I can see how many we have in stock and give you the prices. What species were you looking for?”

    Caller: “Never mind!” *hangs up*

    Me: *speechless*

    Spontaneous Degeneration

    | Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a high end retail store that sells frogs in little tanks.)

    Customer: “Do the frogs come out of rocks?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “The frogs? Do they come out of rocks?”

    Me: “No. Frogs come from eggs.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Haagen-Dogs

    | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a grocery store and know that store manager, who is my neighbor.)

    Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, you guys actually have my favorite ice cream!”

    Me: “Well, that’s good.”

    (I pick up the box of the ice cream and notice a dog on it. Then I notice the name “Purina”.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you know this is ice cream for dogs?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It was in a freezer! I can’t believe [store owner's name] knows someone so stupid!”

    Me: “I can’t believe it either.”


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