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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Bad Parents Bug Us

    | Southern California, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am an intern giving a tour at my local zoo. The first stop is the butterfly & moth exhibit, where guests can go inside with animals. I give them the rules and instructions which include staying on the path/off the plants, no grabbing the animals, etc. Once we are inside, I see two children, approximately 6 and 8 years old, climbing all over the plants, trying to grab butterflies in their fists and bothering other guests. I do not see their mother, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Excuse me, boys. You need to stay on the path. You aren’t allowed to climb on the plants, and you definitely aren’t allowed to grab the animals like that.”

    (At that moment, their mom comes running out from behind a tree, clearly on her cell phone.)

    Mother: “Hey, you can’t tell my kids what to do! If there’s a problem you come talk to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I didn’t see you, and your children were damaging the exhibit.”

    Mother: “What?! No, they weren’t! They are angels!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they were climbing all over the plants and crushing them. There were also trying to grab the butterflies, which we do not allow.”

    Mother: “So? My boys are having fun. They can do whatever they want!”

    Me: “No, they are not. We have rules, and if you cannot follow them, you will be asked to leave the butterfly house and you will not allowed to remain a part of this tour.”

    Mother: “Your rules don’t make any sense. You just want to stop everyone from having fun!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, but it is my job to ensure that guests do not damage the exhibit.”

    Mother: “But you can just plant more plants, and the butterflies will be fine!”

    Me: “The butterflies will most certainly not be fine! Grabbing them like that will kill them!”

    Mother: “KILL?! How dare you say that in front of my children?! You are damaging them for life!” *turns to her boys* “Don’t worry, she’s lying! The buggies will be fine. You just keep playing!”

    (Despite my warnings, the mother refuses to intervene, so I have her and her children removed from the park. As she is being escorted out by security, she turns to me.)

    Mother: “You’re nuts! They’re just stupid bugs!”

    (Not a smart thing to say to an entomology student.)

    A Runaway Train Of Thought, Part 2

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (An elderly couple enters the store and starts checking out our collection of animals.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Yes, we would like a pet…maybe a cat, or a dog…”

    Woman: “…or a rabbit, or a turtle.”

    Man: “Yes. One of those…”

    Woman: “…or all of them.”

    Man: “Oh yeah, that’s possible too…”

    Woman: “…and a hamster. Don’t forget the hamster!”

    Man: “And a few birds…”

    Woman: “…or cake. I’d like cake…”

    Man: “…with a cup of coffee. ”

    Woman: “Yeah. That’s across the street. I see!”

    Man: *to me* “Okay, thank you sir. goodbye!”

    Me: *amused and confused* “Enjoy your cake…goodbye!”

    Related:
    A Runaway Train Of Thought

    As Long As It’s A Tofu Hat

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am a zookeeper, and am taking care of five lions which are new arrivals. We’ve set up a natural habitat for them and they are ready to be introduced to their new home. I press the button that raises the gate between their cage and the habitat, and they begin to examine their new surroundings. As I do this, I get tapped on the shoulder by a visitor.)

    Visitor: “New arrivals?”

    Me: “Yes, just got here this morning.”

    Visitor: “What do they eat?”

    Me: “Well, meat, of course.”

    Visitor: *nods* “I thought so. Then, I am just in time. We need to protect these poor animals!”

    (The visitor hands me a poster about being a vegetarian. I look at it, and then look back at her.)

    Me: “So these lions should NOT eat meat?”

    Visitor: “No, of course not! There are enough healthy alternatives, as listed on this poster!”

    Me: “I don’t think the lions would agree with that. However, they do eat vegetarians; cows and so on, you know. Nature.”

    Visitor: “Oh, no!” *turns to the lions* “I’ll bring tofu tomorrow, you’ll like it!”

    (As she leaves, a female coworker who has overheard the conversation chimes in.)

    Coworker: “If she can do that, I’ll eat my hat!”

    Well-To-Do, If A Bit Daffy

    | USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Top

    (A well-dressed woman enters the store and hands me a note.)

    Customer: “Could you get this order ready for me, please? I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

    (I look at the note, but it’s blank.)

    Me: “There is nothing written on this note.”

    Customer: “Well, I decided to surprise myself today with my purchases.”

    Me: “Okay…that’s new, but I’ll see what I can do!”

    (Ten minutes later, she returns.)

    Customer: “So, what did I buy today?”

    Me: *hands her a bag* “Three pounds of bread crust to feed the ducks in the park. They are free of charge.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I was planning to go to the hairdresser, but this is…DUCKS, YOU SAY? Well, off to the park, then! Goodbye!”

    Maturity Can Be A Tall Order

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (At our zoo, during certain times of the day, guests can buy lettuce to feed our giraffes on an observation deck.  One day a man comes up with his family carrying a couple of leafy branches.)

    Guest: “Hey, I found these branches in the woods around the zoo.  Can I feed these to the giraffes.”

    Me: “No, sorry, sir.  The zookeepers determine the diets of the giraffes, and we really can’t feed them anything the keepers haven’t approved.  If you would like to feed them, you can purchase some lettuce.”

    Guest: *disappointed* “Okay, I guess that makes sense.  I’ll get a few pieces of lettuce for my kids.”

    (I return to selling lettuce to other guests, when out of the corner of my eye I see the man holding the branches just out of reach of the male giraffe’s tongue.  The giraffe is clearly desperate to get the leaves, and the man is grinning. My coworker apparently witnesses this as well.)

    Coworker: “Sir, please stop teasing the giraffes.”

    Guest’s Wife: *to her husband* “You’re a 36-year-old man.  You should know better!”


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