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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Not Something To Horse Around About

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

    Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

    Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

    Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

    Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


    (To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

    The Scales Will Never Fall From Her Eyes

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I am a female working in a reptile store, so it’s fairly common for people to question why I would be interested in snakes and lizards. On this particular day, I’m helping a woman and her 6-year-old daughter hold a snake.)

    Customer: “So, do you have any reptiles of your own at home?”

    Me: “Oh yes, I have a ton.” *laughs*

    Customer: “How does that affect your dating life? I mean, boys can’t possibly think that’s attractive in a girl!”

    (The customer’s question has caught me off guard, but I try to remain friendly.)

    Me: “Um, it doesn’t really have an effect. It’s not usually an issue.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, can I get a pet snake?!”

    Customer: “No, sweetie. We want YOU to have boyfriends.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Unbearably Bad Ideas, Part 2

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I am at the zoo with my little cousin to see the pandas that have recently arrived.)

    Visitor: “Aw, look at it! It’s just so cute! They’re not dangerous, are they?”

    Worker: “Um, well, they’re bears…they’re just as dangerous as other bears.

    Visitor: “But if I were to walk in to the enclosure, it wouldn’t hurt me. I could touch it, couldn’t I?”

    Worker: “Well, no. It’s a bear.”

    Visitor: “Oh, but the female! She must be very gentle. I could touch the female panda.”

    Worker: “Actually, she’s pretty feisty. I wouldn’t go near her, either!”

    Visitor: “Aw, I really thought they were cute and lovely, like big teddy bears! I’m so disillusioned now…”

    Related:
    Unbearably Bad Ideas

    You Can Lead A Horse Doctor To Water

    | Virginia, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, this is [name] with [co-op store]. I need to return some [animal] vaccines that are out of date.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Let me just look up your invoice so I can see what you last bought this item…”

    (I take a few moments to check on her past vaccine orders.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the last time you bought this item was in 2009. That was three years ago.”

    Caller: “Yeah, so? I need to have it returned so I can get a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t return this.”

    Caller: “Why the H*** not?!”

    Me: “If I came to your store three years ago and bought a vaccine, would you let me return it today and give me a refund?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s absurd. Of course not. You would have had the vaccine long enough to use it before it went out of date….oh…I see…have a nice day.”

    Avoid This Customer Like The Plague

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a large pet supply store which also sells pet rodents and rabbits. My job includes offering advice and info to those who want to buy a pet.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are these a kind of hamster?”

    Me: “No sir, those are rats.”

    Customer: “Wild rats?! Are you sure they’re not a kind of long-tailed hamster?”

    Me: “They’re definitely rats. They’re not wild; they’re domestic. They’re also known as ‘fancy rats’.”

    Customer: “Okay, so do they carry the plague, too?”

    (I’m used to this question. It’s always been asked jokingly, so I chuckle.)

    Me: “Nope, no plague. Rats are very clean pets and are actually cleaner than your average pet dog or cat.”

    Customer: “I don’t want disease in my house. Are you sure these aren’t carrying plague?”

    (I realise he is totally serious.)

    Me: “I assure you, these rats are perfectly safe to own.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! How do you know?”

    Me: “I actually own several rats and they make really lovely pets. They’re very clever and affectionate.”

    (Suddenly, he becomes very agitated and backs away from me. He covers his mouth by lifting his t-shirt over it, simultaneously revealing an obscene and racist tattoo on his stomach.)

    Me: “Sir, I need you to lower your shirt please…right now.”

    Customer: *loudly so everyone in the store can hear* “She has plague rats in her house! Stay away from her! Oh my God, what the f*** is wrong with you?! Do you want people to get ill?! I’ll kick your a** in for trying to make me ill!”

    (At this point, two burly male colleagues of mine come running from other aisles to help. They make the customer put his shirt back down and try to escort him out of the shop, but he struggles like mad in his bid to ‘warn’ everyone. They have trouble restraining him, despite their height and strength.)

    Customer: “She’s diseased for God’s sake! She has plague rats!”

    (One of my coworkers who has been escorting him out decides he’s had enough and speaks up.)

    Male Coworker #1: “I keep rats too, mate. Now, get out in case I give you the plague too! Don’t come back, either—the plague might be in the air!”

    (At this, the customer freezes and then bolts screaming from the shop. The other customers applaud my coworkers, I get an extra 10 minute break and three nice people gave homes to pairs of rats after wanting to find out more about them!)


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