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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Some Owners Need To Be Kept On A Short Leash

    | Arkansas, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m a park ranger in a large urban park. The ranger program is new, so people aren’t used to having to follow the rules. One guy in particular is bad about his dog being off leash.)

    Me: “Sir, this is the second time I’ve seen you with your dog at large. Next time, I’m going to write you a ticket.”

    Guy: “This is ridiculous. Where were you two months ago when she was attacked by two dogs?”

    Me: “Sir, if I had been here, I promise I would have done everything I could—”

    Guy: “I mean, you don’t write THEM a ticket! You just come after ME! My dog is perfectly behaved! Being on a leash stresses her out! You should go after the other people!”

    Me: “Sir, were the other dogs off leash?”

    Guy: “Yeah, they were!”

    Me: “So, if they had been on leash, your dog wouldn’t have gotten attacked?”

    Guy: “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Me: “So, would you agree that’s it’s in everyone’s best interest for all dogs to be on leash and under the control of their owners?”

    Guy: “Yeah! I mean, wait… except mine! D*** IT!” *storms off*

    (His dog is now on a leash every time I see him, although he claims she is traumatized by it. The dog? She seems rather nonchalant about the whole thing.)

    A Whale Of A Story

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (My coworker and I have been laughing over a list of dumb laws during a quiet spell at the registers.)

    Me: “Check this out. It’s illegal to hunt whales in Utah.”

    Coworker: “Well, now, that’s not very specific. Is it illegal to hunt FOR them, as in go looking for one, or is it illegal to FIND one and harpoon it? Because, let me tell you, the second one is a lot harder!”

    Me: “Well, if I ever go to Utah, I think I’ll walk up to a cop and ask them where I can go hunting for whales, just to see his reaction.”

    (As we continue joking, a customer overhears us and becomes angry.)

    Customer: “You filthy murderers! How can you think hunting whales is funny?!”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, there is little danger of me actually harming a whale in Utah.”

    Customer: “That’s no excuse! You think you could get away with taunting a police officer by openly admitting you were going to commit a crime?”

    Coworker: “Yes… actually, in this case, we probably could.”

    Customer: “HOW?!”

    Coworker: “Well, since whales live in the ocean and there are no oceans in Utah—”

    Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid! I’m calling the producers of Whale Wars on you! You’ll be shamed in front of the whole nation!” *storms out*

    Her Bark Is As Bad As Her Bite

    , | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I usually work in the drive-thru of our store.  At least once a day, often twice, a regular customer comes through. We all recognise her car.  She has a chihuahua that sits on her lap that snaps at us whenever we reach near the car.)

    Coworker: “It’s her again. Please, will you hand out her coffee? I’m so scared of that dog!”

    (I walk to the window and hold the regular’s food out, but far enough from her car that the dog can’t get close to me.)

    Me: “Good morning!  Here’s your food, and I’ll just grab your coffee. ”

    (I hold out the coffee, again further away from her car than normal. Suddenly, the dog lunges and almost bites my hand. I accidentally drop the coffee as I jump back, away from her and the dog.)

    Customer: *to her dog* “My poor darling, my baby! Oh, are you okay? Did the mean lady scare you? Did she burn you with the hot coffee?” *to me* “If you burnt my dog, I’ll get your stupid a** fired!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’ll replace your coffee right away, but just a suggestion: perhaps this wouldn’t happen if you sat your dog in the passenger’s seat?”

    Customer: “The nerve you have, thinking you know how to look after my precious little pumpkin! She’s MY dog, not yours! MUMMA KNOWS WHAT’S BEST!”

    (I quickly grab the coffee, and hold it as far away from her and the dog as I can.)

    Customer: *snatches her drink and drives off*

    Coworker: *to me* “Sorry!”

    Better Keep Him At Arm’s Length

    | Philadelphia, PA, USAPhiladelphia, PA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work at an aquarium. I am petting one of the starfishes in the touch tank when a middle-aged man comes up to the tank. A coworker working the tank is telling us facts about starfishes).

    Coworker: “A really interesting aspect about these guys is that if one of their arms was severed, they could grow another one.”

    Middle-aged Man: “So, you mean that if I cut off one of its arms it would grow right back?”

    Coworker: “Well yes, but—”

    Middle-aged Man: “What if I cut off TWO of its arms? Would they still grow back?”

    Coworker: “Well, I’m—”

    Middle-aged Man: “I know! I will cut off ALL of its arms! Let’s see if it can rebound from that!”

    Coworker: *freaked out* “Thank you for all the interest everyone, but the touch tank is now closed for the day!” *moves all the starfish back towards him and closes the tank*

    Keep Your Paws Off Our Pups

    | Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a volunteer at an animal shelter. People can pay a small donation to come and see our animals. One day I’m returning a dog to its kennel when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “Um, I’m just volunteer here, sir. If you speak to somebody in reception—”

    Customer: “Rubbish! You’re just making excuses! I paid my donation to see your dogs and I can only get into one block. The other three are closed! I know you have more dogs!”

    Me: “We close three blocks for the dogs’ welfare, sir. If you’re interested in—”

    Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about the dogs’ welfare! I want to see more dogs! You have no customer service at all, do you?!”

    (On hearing this, another customer approaches and gives the very rude customer a £5 note.)

    Another Customer: “Here’s £5; consider it a refund. Because I can tell you, sir, they would absolutely NOT allow you anywhere near their animals with that attitude!”


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