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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    No Paws For Thought, Part 2

    | NC, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that assists me. My disability isn’t physical, so sometimes people stop me to try and figure out what my service dog is for. He is completely trained and certified. I am shopping when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Oh, are you training that service dog? How kind of you!”

    Me: “Actually, he’s my service dog. He’s completely trained.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t blind!”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How DARE you take a service dog away from a blind person? You ought to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Ma’am, not all disabilities are visible. Plenty of people who aren’t blind have service dogs. He’s not trained to assist the blind.”

    Customer: “You’re just faking it! He’s just a pet and you’re lying! Give me that!”

    (At this point, the customer grabs for my service dog’s leash. The leash is looped around my chest and shoulders like a purse, so this does not go well. An employee of this store sees the altercation happen, and comes running over.)

    Employee: “Ma’am! Let go of the dog!”

    Customer: “No! This girl is lying! He’s not a real service dog and she’s not blind!”

    Me: “Let go! This is assault!”

    Customer: *pushes down on my service dog’s behind* “Sit! Sit! Bad dog!”

    (At this point, I physically yank away from her and give my service dog the signal to tuck in behind me. The lady grabs him by the tail and he yelps.)

    Customer: “See?! See?!”

    (The employee keeps trying to get the customer to leave me alone, but she starts to grab at any part of us she can get to. The security officers show up and haul the screaming customer away. As they drag her out of the store, she is still yelling about me being a liar.)

    Employee: “Oh, my God! I am so sorry! I have never seen anyone so crazy!”

    No Paws For Thought

    The Dumbest Of The Animals

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a gift shop in a zoo. We have a drive-around area, and all guests are given a map on the way in.)

    Guest: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

    Guest: *pointing to the map* “Is this bit all in your car?”

    Me: “Yup, you have to drive round that bit and stay in your vehicle.”

    Guest: “So this bit is on foot?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Guest: “Do you have to stick to the path or can you walk anywhere in this bit?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t advise it, as the polar bears have access to all this area, and the tigers have access to all that area.”

    Guest: “Oh… that was a really stupid question wasn’t it?”

    Bambi: Unrated Version

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my eight-year-old neighbor. They have just recently bought a guinea pig, and I am holding him.)

    Girl: “My friend Chloe has a pet bunny.”

    Me: “Oh really? What’s its name?”

    Girl: “Humper.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Girl: “Yeah, her bunny’s name is Humper!”

    (I am a bit confused, but then it dawns on me.)

    Me: “Um, I think you meant to say Thumper.”

    Girl: “Oh! Yeah, that’s what I meant. The bunny’s name is Thumper!”

    (By this point, I am cracking up.)

    Girl: “What’s so funny?”

    There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time)

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

    Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

    Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

    Employee: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

    (The employee gives her a blank look.)

    Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

    Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

    (The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

    Sell To A Betta Person

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I want betta fish. What size tank for those?”

    Me: “I recommend at least a gallon, but if you can afford a five gallon one, that would be great!”

    (The customer picks up one that holds only a pint of water.)

    Customer: “How about this one?”

    Me: “I really don’t recommend keeping your betta in a tank that small. Those are meant for temporary holding only. It’s not suited as a permanent home.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says it’s for betta fish!”

    Me: “Yes but that tank does not offer the amount of room necessary for a betta. It might be able to survive for a time, but it’s the equivalent of shoving a large dog in a closet and keeping it there for two years.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Fish don’t think. They can’t feel pain. They’re nothing.”

    Me: “As a matter of fact, they do. Their perception of pain is even more sensitive than humans.”

    Customer: “Why should I care?”

    Me: “If you don’t care, why do you want one if the first place?”

    Customer: “To look nice! I want a pretty fish for people to look at when they visit my home!”

    (I realize this customer isn’t going to provide a decent home for the fish, and refuse her the sale. The store owner agrees with me, and the customer storms out fishless.)

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