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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Takes One To Blow One

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m working on a particularly stormy day at the petstore. Lights are flickering and the wind is rattling the doors and siding of the store. Everyone is visibly terrified, save for one unscathed customer.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a hamster for my daughter.”

    Me: “Uh, sure sir… our hamsters are over here. We have quite a selection and I can open the bins if you see one you’d like to hold.”

    Customer: “These are all males. I’m looking for a female.”

    Me: “I apologize for that sir. We only carry one gender to keep from in-store breeding. It’s in the best interest of the pets’ health and customer satisfaction, and we’re a male store.”

    Customer: “You mean I HAD to drive all the way in THIS storm for a hamster you don’t even have?”

    Me: “Well, you didn’t have to. But if you’d like, we have a female store located close by.”

    Customer: “No way. Only a psycho would drive in this weather!”

    Someone Needs To Boof-riend Him

    | Illinois, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A man approaches me while I’m at my register.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “What does ‘boof’ mean?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “‘Boof.’ You guys have a bumper sticker that says ‘boof.’”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no idea what ‘boof’ means.”

    Customer: “The sticker is just dumb. It says, ‘My dog is my ‘boof.’”

    Me: “Oh! ‘My dog is my BFF!’”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

    Me: “It’s an abbreviation, sir. It means ‘best friends forever.’”

    Customer: “Well, that’s dumb. How stupid do you have to be to have a dog as your best friend?!”

    Saving The Duke From The Puke

    | West Jefferson, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

    Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

    Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

    Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

    Customer:  ”I don’t appreciate your tone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

    (I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

    Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

    Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

    (Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

    Meow Amore Vole Fe Ya

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    Client: “Help, my cat is pregnant and I have no idea what to do now!”

    Coworker: “Alright, do you have any un-neutered male cats in the house, or is she an outdoor cat?”

    Client: “Yes, I have two un-neutered male cats in the house. Does it matter?”

    Coworker: “Well, if you have un-neutered male cats in the house, that is likely how she got pregnant.”

    Client: “That’s impossible. My male cats are gay!”

    Biting Off More Than He Can Chew

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work at a dinosaur trail, where people can walk through the forest and look at robotic dinosaurs. On this particular day, a guest with one arm comes onto the trail. About half an hour later, he comes back out.)

    Me: “So, did you enjoy the trail?”

    Guest: “I got my arm bit off.”

    Coworker: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t give refunds.”


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