Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

A Very Purr-sonable Cat

| Dearborn, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at a shelter that has a big Maine Coon cat that has the run of the place. He never goes outside and likes to sit on the lap of whoever is at the computer working. Even though he’s huge, about 28 pounds, most of it is muscle. He’s a very docile cat and loves people. For the most part, our customers love him.)

Coworker: “[My Name], we got some people pulling in. Can you grab Corky?”

(I grab the Maine Coon and set him on the counter in a crouched position, holding his flank lightly to keep him still. He’s already trilling excitedly at the thought of guests.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Shelter]. Can we help you?”

(A woman, man, and two kids wander in.)

Woman: “Yes, we’d like to take a look at your kittens.”

Coworker: “Sure. [My Name], can you take them to the cat room?”

Me: “Sure. Here, take Corky.”

(I go to hand her Corky and the woman suddenly screams.)

Woman: “That’s a Lynx! You have a LYNX here!”

(She grabs her kids and yanks them back.)

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is Corky, our resident Maine Coon. He’s not a Lynx; he’s just a very large breed of cat.”

Man: “What the h*** kind of place is this?! Those animals are dangerous! Why do you have one running around where children are?!”

Me: “Uh, sir? Maine Coons are extremely friendly. The biggest danger to your kids is he’d just knock them over by accident.”

Woman: “How DARE you threaten my babies! I’m reporting this awful place and have you arrested for harboring that vicious thing!”

(They storm out, leaving us to stare after them in bafflement. We got a visit later from a local police officer.)

Officer: “Hey, I got a call about a ‘vicious rabid animal’ on the loose in this building.”

(I pick Corky up off the counter. Corky is a happy combination of purring and trilling at the sight of him.)

Officer: “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.”

The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

An Odd Place To Have A Pet Hate

| TX, USA | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(This is a phone call I received from a client.)

Me: “Animal Clinic, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was hoping to reschedule my appointment. I tried coming in yesterday, but the lobby was very full of pets, and it aggravated my allergies. Could I make an appointment for a time when the lobby won’t be full of pets?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that this is a veterinary clinic? I cannot guarantee that the lobby won’t have other pets in it at any time. First thing in the morning will probably be your best bet for it not being too crowded.”

Customer: “Okay, but if the lobby is too full of pets again, then I’ll have to leave. You really should be more considerate about people’s allergies.”

Ask And You Shall Receive

| AB, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve been trying to cancel my newspaper subscription, and have been transferred twice already. I’m starting to get a bit peeved.)

Customer Service Representative: “And how may I help you today?”

Me: “I’m trying to cancel my subscription.”

Customer Service Representative: “May I ask what made you want to discontinue receiving our newspaper?”

Me: “You want the real reason or the polite reason?”

Customer Service Representative: “Um, the real reason?”

Me: “We decided not to paper-train our puppy.”

Customer Service Representative: “…So, the fact that we’re moving from afternoon to morning delivery wouldn’t make a difference to you?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer Service Representative: “All right then, I’ve got you cancelled. Have a good day!”

(Hey, she asked!)

Puppy Purchase Power

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

(I am a customer at a large pet store, waiting in line to buy my cat a new collar. Checking out before me is a man and his very young Husky puppy, who is on the floor while this exchange goes on.)

Cashier: “Okay, so, is this it for you?” *begins scanning various items*

Man: “Yep, I think this is it.”

(Meanwhile, the puppy has gotten himself into a bin of rope toys near the ground, pulling three of them out with his teeth and spinning around with them, having the time of his life.)

Cashier: *looks over the counter at the puppy* “So, did you want a rope toy?”

(The man looks down, seeing the pup surrounded by rope toys, looking very happy with himself.)

Man: *laughs* “Sure, let’s get two of those.”

(The pup got to take one out in his teeth. His cuteness completely made my day!)

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