Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (3,017 thumbs up)
  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Not The Best Pupil For Eye Care

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “I need to make an appointment for my cat. Something is really wrong with his eyes!”

    Me: “Could you explain to me what you’re seeing?”

    Caller: “They keep changing sizes!”

    Me: “Do you mean you see the eyelid coming over the eye, or…?”

    Caller: “No! His eyes keep changing sizes! Sometimes the eye gets really big, and sometimes it gets really small.”

    Me: “Wait, are you talking about the black part of the eye? Does the eye get skinny when it’s bright in the house or if your cat is in sunlight?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And does the eye get wide when it’s dark out?”

    Caller: “Yes! That’s exactly it! I need to know how to fix it!”

    Me: “The black part of the eye is called a pupil. It changes size based on how much light is coming into the eye. When it’s bright out, the pupil gets smaller, when it’s dark out, the pupil gets larger. If there’s sunlight in one eye and darkness in the other, one pupil will be small and one will be big.”

    Caller: “So I can’t fix it?”

    Me: “No, you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the eye. In fact, your eyes do the same thing.”

    Caller: “So… it can’t be fixed?”

    Very Black Comedy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (My friend and I arranged a double date to introduce my girlfriend and me to his girlfriend, who is blind and uses a guide dog. We went to a fairly fancy restaurant that keeps the lights low. Her guide dog is a black lab, so there are a few close calls from passing servers. Shortly after having the appetizers delivered to us we’re approached by one of the servers.)

    Server: “Hello. I’m so sorry to inconvenience your party this evening, but we noticed that your guide dog is quite dark and hard to see in the aisle. If it’s not too much of trouble would you mind if we relocated you a part of the restaurant with less traffic?”

    (The server motions towards one of the unoccupied booths at the back corner of the restaurant. We’re pretty much right in the path from the kitchen to the rest of the restaurant.)

    Me: “What, because he’s black you’re going to toss us at the back of the restaurant?!”

    (The server stands there for a few seconds wide eyed and stammering, obviously not knowing what to say. My friend and I lose our poker face and break down into laughter.)

    Friend: “Don’t worry about it, man. We’re just f****** with you. If you didn’t ask us, we were going to ask you if we could move anyway.”

    Rabbiting On

    | UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at my till when an old lady in a wheelchair approaches me. Our rabbit hutches are situated right next to our office that keeps the safe inside.)

    Customer: “Hello, dear. I was wondering if you could give me some advice about your rabbit hutches.”

    Me: “Of course. Is it just for one rabbit or two?”

    Customer: “Oh, it would be two.”

    (I take her over to the hutches and show her around explaining the features of each one.)

    Customer: “I don’t have much room in my husband’s car and I really need one for today. Do you sell them un-built?”

    Me: “I can grab a flat packed one from out the back if you’d like?”

    Customer: “Could you bring one out to show me so I can see if it will fit?”

    (I run out to our storage area and grab a flat-packed version of the hutch she had asked for. When I bring it out her attitude has completely changed.)

    Me: “Here you go. This is the one. It’s really simple to build and will only take ten minutes.”

    Customer: “FOR GOD’S SAKE. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GRAB ONE GODD*** ITEM FOR ME?! DON’T BOTHER WITH IT. I’LL JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE THEY DON’T TREAT THEIR CUSTOMERS LIKE S***!”

    (I stand there in stunned silence as the customer quickly leaves the store, cursing frequently under her breath. Later on my manager, who ran home from work, couldn’t find his trainers which he leaves in the office. We decide to look on the CCTV to check if anyone has moved them. The video shows me walking off to get the hutch for the customer. When I leave she proceeds to get out of her wheelchair, enter the office (which has a combination lock on it), and try to open the safe. After failing to open it she grabs my manager’s trainers, shoves them in her handbag, and returns to the wheelchair.)

    Manager: “Who the h*** was she?”

    Me: “I think I almost sold the Devil a rabbit hutch today…”

    A Temporary Hot Pocket

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at a dollar store. We have a very belligerent couple who are always rude and always bringing their dogs into the store. One day they get a new puppy and the man very obviously tries to hide it in his jacket. We all know about the dog, but wait until they are done paying to say this:)

    Me: “Did you know your pocket peed down your front?”

    (We haven’t seen them since.)

    That Last Customer Was An Odd Fish

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Wild & Unruly

    (I get home from work and my fiancé has just finished up his shift, too.)

    Me: “Hi! How was your day?”

    Fiancé: “Well, the last customer that I spoke with today told me that if I didn’t tell him exactly what he wanted to hear that he would find out where I lived, fly to me, find a fish, and gently slap me with it.”

    Me: “Well, we live in Florida, so at least you’d know the fish was fresh!”

    Page 3/6212345...Last