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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Pet Owners Should Not Be Airheads

    | USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in with her eight-year-old son. The fish are in small, plastic cups for the customers to view.)

    Son: “Mommy! Look at the fishies!”

    Customer: *looks at fish* “How nice.”

    Son: “Can I get one?”

    Customer: “Sure. Pick a fish, and let’s go.”

    (They come to the counter, holding a fish.)

    Son: “But, mommy, doesn’t he need a tank, and filter?”

    Customer:  ”No, don’t be silly. He can live in the cup.”

    Son: “But he needs a filter for air!”

    Customer:  ”Don’t be so ridiculous. He’s a fish. He doesn’t need air. He breathes water.”

    Me: “Actually, he’s right. This kind of fish needs at least a two gallon tank to live in, as well as a filter, gravel, and food.”

    (The customer storms out with her son, mumbling about how we were ‘being stupid.’)

    It’s Imaginary Dog Eat Dog

    | UK | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in a large second-hand bookshop that allows dogs as long as they are leashed. There are signs prominently displayed with that information. I am sitting in a small lounge area and nearby are coffee machines and plates of biscuits bought on the honesty system. You take what you want and drop money in a box. I get up and leave my 14-year-old, very well behaved, miniature poodle, Fred, by the chair, with the handle of his lead under a chair leg. As I get coffee I do not see Fred take a few steps forward and, friendly, approach another dog which snarls and barks at him. I turn around to see Fred sit back down by the chair. I ask the owners of the other dog if everything is all right and they apologise for their dog’s aggressiveness. Neither dog came into contact with each other and the other dog has calmed down. No harm done. I sit down and a customer sitting next to me speaks:)

    Customer: “They shouldn’t allow dogs in here. They were fighting.”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. Dogs are permitted. There are signs all over the place and these dogs were not fighting. There was a small altercation but everything is fine now.”

    Customer: “You should get those dogs out of here. I know the owner. I’ll complain.”

    Me: “Go and complain, then. See how far it gets you.”

    (He leaves and minutes later the owner of the shop approaches with the man and asks about the ‘dog fight.’ I and the owners of the other dog explain what happened and a member of staff who witnessed everything confirms our version of events. The man is by now red faced and clearly angry and the owner turns to him:)

    Owner: “You lied to me, sir. You said there was a dog fight but the dogs never came into contact with each other.”

    Customer: “But dogs should not be allowed in here.”

    Owner: “This is my shop. I decide if dogs come in here and these dogs are welcome. I also decide which humans come in here and you are no longer welcome. Get out and don’t come back.”

    (Moments passed before the man realised he lost and he left. The best part of the story? When I sat back down Fred and the other dog were sitting side by side happily sniffing each other as if they had known each other for years.)

    Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work for moving truck company. When your truck breaks down, you call me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Truck Company] Emergency Road Service. My name is [My Name]. May I have your first and last name?”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE, B****! YOU DON’T NEED MY NAME! MY TRUCK IS ON FIRE AND I’VE GOT 8,000 PARAKEETS IN THE BACK OF IT!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I suggest you hang up and call 911 and give them your location. If you’re on the highway they can usually find you by your nearest mile-marker or exit—”

    Customer: “YOU NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS F****** PIECE OF S***! I’M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY!”

    Me: “Sir, your animals’ lives are in danger and yours might be, too. Please disconnect this call and phone the fire department.”

    Customer: “IT DON’T MATTER! THEY’RE ALL ALREADY DEAD AND I’M OUT OF THE D*** TRUCK! THEY WERE FOR STUFFING!”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you have thousands of dead parakeets for taxidermy in the back of your truck and that you’re still not going to call the emergency line to get the fire department to come put our truck out? Sir, are you aware that our policy dictates that you may not have animals in our vehicles, dead or alive?”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHAT YOUR POLICY DICTATES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE THOUSANDS OFF THOSE BIRDS AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY ME FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!”

    (I just hit the insurance line without a word, and went on break. My poor supervisor pinged me when I got back, laughing himself sick.)

    Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

    Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

    Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

    Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

    Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

    Got Ants In Your Pants About Buying This Animal

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known pet store chain. Late at night, just a half hour before closing, we get a phone call from a tired sounding woman.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounds of customer trying to silence a barking dog* “Uh, yeah, do you have any anteaters?”

    Me: *I pause because I’m a little surprised by this* “I don’t believe we do.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? Because you kind of hesitated like you weren’t sure.”

    Me: “You said anteaters? Is that a name of a product or—”

    Caller: “No, like the animal. You know, like an anteater? Do you sell them?”

    Me: “I’m sure we don’t.”

    Caller: “You hesitated again. Maybe you should go make sure.”

    (The store is not very large and neither are the animals we sell: nothing bigger than a guinea pig. I tell her I will check and put her on hold for a few seconds. I inform the working manager and he tells me to just tell her I didn’t find any anteaters, which is what I do.)

    Caller: “Aw, man, really? I really need an anteater. Do you know if the other store carries them? What is it?”

    Me: “[Competitor]?”

    Caller: “Yeah! Do they have them? Do they have anteaters?”

    Me: “I’m very certain they do not.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? You kind of paused. Can you make sure?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can check a competitor’s stock but I am pretty sure they don’t sell anteaters.”

    (After exclaiming her disappointment once again, she described to me her reason for needing an anteater. She told me she has a cousin who has a serious ant problem in her apartment and was told by a friend that they had solved a similar problem using an anteater, which, they said, can be purchased at some pet stores. What she intended to do with the large exotic animal after it served its purpose is still a mystery.)

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