October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Cat-atonic To Your Pleas

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m waiting in the lobby of my vet’s office. Because I don’t own a car and either take a taxi or the bus there, I have my dog’s carrier with me, but I’ve taken him out of it. Another client comes in with a carrier, checks in, and sits down next to me. After a second, I realize she has a cat in the carrier. My dog is not friendly with cats, so I get up and move to some seats on the other end of the lobby.)

Me: *on my way to the far-away seat, big smile on my face* “You don’t smell, I promise. It’s just that my dog is aggressive towards cats, and if he realizes there’s a cat in your carrier, he will begin to act out.”

Other Client: “Nonsense, all pets can be friendly towards each other. They just have to be properly introduced. Come over here; they’ll be fine!”

Me: “Really, I’ve tried just about everything. He really dislikes cats and will try to attack them. Sometimes it’s in their genes. It’s no big deal. We’ll just sit over here and he won’t even realize you have a cat there!”

Other Client: *reaching for the door of her carrier* “Oh, come on now. I watch The Dog Whisperer. I can get them to get along.”

Me: “Please don’t! I’d feel terrible if he hurt your cat! I don’t want him to get hurt, either, if the cat needs to defend itself.”

(Despite my pleas, the other client takes her cat out of the carrier. My dog immediately hits the end of his leash, nearly foaming at the mouth. She ignores his obvious aggression and starts walking towards us, doing this stupid sing-songy “be a good doggie and make friends with the cat” while her cat sees what’s up and starts hissing and trying to get away from her to run away.)

Me: *trying to corral my dog and shove him in his own carrier* “PLEASE BACK OFF NOW! MY DOG WILL HURT YOUR CAT IF YOU FORCE THEM TOGETHER! PLEASE STOP!”

(She doesn’t stop, but I manage to get my dog back in his carrier before she reaches us. SHE HOLDS THE CAT UP TO THE MESH WINDOW OF MY DOG’S CARRIER, which I’ve situated behind my legs, persisting in her sing-songy “be a nice doggy!” while my dog tries to eat through his carrier to eat the cat.)

Receptionist: “Uh, I think you probably want to keep your cat away… Um, this doesn’t sound good.” *she runs to get some assistance*

Me: “That is enough! Get that cat away from my dog! And me, I have terrible allergies!”

Other Client: “Oh, why didn’t you just say you were allergic! I don’t want to make you miserable all day!”

(I think her cat was quite relieved that she then put it back in its carrier and took her seat across the lobby from me. But… she was willing to avoid aggravating my allergies, but not driving my dog mad, scaring the daylights out of her cat, and risking harm to both?)

Sadly Having A Ball

| Cranston, RI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m working registers at the moment which also means I’m in charge of answering the phones; I’m certified throughout the store, so usually I don’t even have to transfer the call. Note, we are a just a pet store, not a specialty vet. This transpires one day:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I think my hamster might be injured. My son put him in a hamster ball, and then the ball slipped and hit the floor. The hamster just kinda stayed in one position for a minute or two, like he was dead and didn’t look like he was breathing. Then we flipped him over and he moved a little bit so we can see he’s breathing, but he hasn’t moved since. What would you do?”

Me: “Well, if I was in your position, I’d bring him straight to the vet; we use [Local Vet] because they specialize in small animals.”

Caller: “Sooo… do I bring him, or do you?”

Me: “You would take him.”

(The customer still didn’t seem all that concerned that her son may have caused a serious injury to his pet.)

Should Have Vetted Their Outbursts

| ON, Canada | Pets & Animals, School

(I have worked in a pet store selling dogs and cats for five years at this point, and wear a tag that says my name and that I am a ‘dog specialist.’)

Customer: “Psh, dog specialist my a**. That girl looks like she is just starting high school.”

Coworker: “So, [My Name], how is your third year of veterinary school going?”

(The client turns bright red and leaves the store. The next day, she came back and started asking me questions as to why her dog might be limping.)

How To Neuter A Prank Call

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(The phone ring.)

Me: “Hello, You’re through to—”

Caller: “—ah, yes. Do you neuter men?”

(There is giggling in the background, and it is clearly a prank call.)

Me: “Yes, we do. In fact, I am with a patient right now.”

(One of the parrots chooses that moment to scream.)

Me: “Sam, if you held still this wouldn’t hurt so much! Sorry, we ran out of anesthetic and he just won’t hold still… Hello?”

A Bad Case Of Adamantium Confusion

| Newcastle upon Tyne, England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(My coworker goes to see a 94-year-old patient who had been confused overnight.)

Coworker: “Good morning, Mr. [Patient]. How are you today?”

Patient: *in a very measured voice* “Terrible, doctor. The professor saw me earlier and implicitly told me I am a wolverine. I’m afraid with this news I need to leave.”

Coworker: “I see. You’ve been a bit poorly so should probably stay in hospital for now.”

Patient: “Oh, but doctor, if you can guarantee I am NOT a wolverine, I’d feel ever so relieved.”

Coworker: *poker faced* “I can guarantee you are NOT a wolverine.”

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