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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Taming The Feral Customers

    | Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

    Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

    (I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

    Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

    (I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

    Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

    Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

    Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

    Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

    (At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

    Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

    Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

    (I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

    Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

    Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

    (Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

    Mother: “Call security!”

    (Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

    This Problem Can’t Get Licked

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (We are doing an adoption event at a retailer in conjunction with four other animal rescue/shelter groups. Each group is in a large tent with dogs that are up for adoption in crates. A lady approaches, she has two kids; a boy about 6 and a girl about 9.)

    Woman: “Oh, she is so cute!” *motioning towards a two-year-old Shepherd mix*

    Me: “Yes, she is a great dog, and she is great with kids. Would you like me to take her out so you can see how she acts around your children?”

    Woman: “Yes, that would be great!”

    (I take the dog out of her crate, and have her on a leash. The kids are both petting her and the dog is behaving very well.)

    Woman: “Oh… that dog doesn’t lick, does she?”

    Me: “Of course she does. All dogs lick.”

    Woman: “Oh, you will have to put her back, then. My daughter is allergic to dog saliva. We need a dog that doesn’t lick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all dogs lick. They use their tongue to eat, drink water, clean themselves, and show affection. Maybe a dog is not what you should be looking for.”

    Woman: “Oh, that’s bull. I know you have some dogs here that don’t lick. If you don’t, then one of these other groups will.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ask around.”

    (The woman spent the next 30 minutes going to each tent trying to find a dog that doesn’t use it’s tongue. She ended up going inside and adopting a cat.)

    The Not So Great Gatsby

    | Redmond, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

    (A man sporting a heavy metal t-shirt, torn jeans, facial piercings and green hair approaches my register. As he gets closer I notice he’s cradling a small cat in his arms.)

    Man: “Hey… umm… this is probably going to sound kind of weird but I was just in the parking lot and—”

    (He’s promptly cut off by a shrill scream. We both turn to see a horrified lady charging towards us like a rabid rhino.)

    Lady: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Man: “Oh, there you are! Listen—”

    Lady: “Get your filthy meat hooks off my Gatsby! You monster! Let him go!”

    (She violently starts trying to beat the man with her purse. Braving the blows, the man hands the cat over to her.)

    Lady: “Oh, my poor Gatsby! Did the horrible man hurt you? Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll make him pay!” *glaring at me* “You! Call the police right now! And you!” *turns to the punk* “Don’t move! I’m going to see you in jail for trying to kidnap my Gatsby!”

    Man: “Really? Well before you do that ma’am I should warn you that I intend to report you to the SPCA for endangering the life of your pet.”

    Lady: “What?”

    Man: “You left your car window rolled all the way down, and dear Gatsby there climbed out after you went in. I very nearly hit him as he ran out into the parking lot so I thought it only right that I bring him in where he wouldn’t be at risk of getting lost, run over, or kidnapped. Are you saying I should’ve just left him out there where anything could’ve happened, and you thus would most likely have had to go home minus your darling pet?”

    (The lady turns red, drops her shopping, and promptly runs out of the store with her cat.)

    How About A Catpuccino Instead

    | Iowa, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at the drive up window at a locally owned coffee shop. Our blended drinks are called “coolers.” A customer in his mid-forties pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with yogurt or cat?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with…” *makes a “meow” sound* “…cats or yogurt?”

    Me: “Uh, we use milk or iced coffee depending on how many calories you want in the drink.”

    Customer: “Oh. No thank you.”

    Me: “Can I make you something else then?”

    Customer: “NO! Maybe if you used cats.”

    Me: “Uh…Okay, I’m—”

    Customer: “MEOW!” *drives off quickly*

    When Customers Enc-roach

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I am sitting at the table where we require pool patrons to sign in. It is a slow afternoon early in the season, so I have been given permission to read. A patron enters with his young daughter, and I look up.)

    Customer: “I think they’re mating.”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws a pair of cockroaches on my still-open book. I jump back, let the book fall to the floor, and then stare back at him.)

    Customer: *grins* “Wait ’til I find out what you’re REALLY afraid of!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I quit two weeks later.)


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