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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Doesn’t Have The Balls

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a spay/neuter clinic. One of my responsibilities is to explain the procedure to the customers when they drop their pets off in the morning, and give them care instructions when they pick their pets up that afternoon. I am explaining proper care of the surgical site to a young woman who has had her dog neutered. I lift the dog up to show where his stitches are located.)

    Customer: “Oh my God! Where are his balls?!”

    Me: “We removed them, ma’am. That’s… that’s what neutering is.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I thought you were just going to… I don’t know, tie his tubes or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but I explained the procedure to you this morning. When a dog is neutered, we remove the testicles.”

    Customer: “Can you put them back?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Can you put his testicles back?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid once they’re gone, they’re gone for good.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, where are they?”

    Me: “Where are…?”

    Customer: “His balls.”

    Me: “We… removed them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but can I have them?”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    Customer: “Can I, like, have them?”

    Me: “NO!”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they’re medical waste. We have to dispose of them properly by law.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because… of the law.”

    Customer: “Okay, whatever.”

    (After she’s gone, one of the other techs confirmed what he thought he had overheard from across the room.)

    Other Tech: “What on earth do you think she wanted to do with them?”

    Pestering Pests About Rodents At Rest

    | MN, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I’ve got a hamster I need you to get rid of!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t get rid of hamsters.”

    Caller: “Well why not? Isn’t it just a rodent?”

    Me: “Yes, I think it might be, but it’s domesticated. We don’t get rid of domesticated animals.”

    Caller: “But it’s dead.”

    Me: “It’s dead?”

    Caller: “Yeah! It’s dead behind the stove!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t just come pick up dead animals; we really cant help you.”

    Caller: “Okay. Thanks anyway.”

    (The caller hangs up. I turn around to a coworker intending to tell her about my weird call. She holds up her finger, puts someone on hold, and blows out a huge sigh.)

    Coworker: “Hey! I’m going to need a manager! This lady wants to know why we can’t prevent birds from landing in her yard!”

    He Is Not A-Mew-sed

    | USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (We have only been open for 20 minutes, when I get a call to the front to show a cat to a customer.)

    Customer: “Hello, can I hold this kitty?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I take out the cat from her cage; she’s a really friendly grey tabby.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! I can talk to cats, you know! He was meowing at me; he said that I should take him home.”

    (The customer looks the cat directly in her eyes.)

    Customer: “Meow!”

    Me: “Haha, that’s cool. Actually, that cat is female. She’s got all her shots and stuff, so if you want her, you just need to go fill out her paperwork.”

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME?”

    (The customer then growls at me like an animal.)

    Customer: “HE. IS. A. MAN. CAT!

    (He puts her back into her cage, and goes off to fill out paperwork on her.)

    Coworker: “It’s gonna be a looooong day.”

    Someone Needs To Treat Warhorse

    | St. Cloud, MN, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center that does outbound fundraising. One of our clients is the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [my name], calling for the ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota’. Thanks for taking my call!”

    Woman: “Wait, wait, did you say veterans?”

    Me: “Yes, I was calling because—”

    Woman: “I don’t need a veteran. I don’t even have any animals!”

    (I can give her the benefit of the doubt for simply mixing up the words ‘veterans’ and ‘veterinarians’. But I have to wonder what she would have thought a veterinarian of foreign wars would be!)

    Needs To Press Paws

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am cashier at a pet store. I see a man walk into the store, pick up a large and expensive coffee table book on show dogs, and get in my line. My manager has warned me, and shown me a picture of this man. He tries to convince cashiers to give him a refund for items he has just stolen. I immediately page my manager, who, unbeknownst to me, is tied up with a minor medical emergency in the back of the store.)

    Thief: “I want to return this item.”

    Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

    Thief: “No.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Without a receipt, I cannot give you a refund.”

    Thief: “Give me a refund.”

    Me: “Sir, I watched you pick that book up when you came in. I know you did not buy it.”

    Thief: “Give me the f****** money, or I’ll kick your a**.”

    (Most of the customers in my line start backing away.)

    Me: “Sir, I cannot give you any money, and if you leave with that item I will call the police. Please leave the store.”

    Thief: “You little a**-hole!”

    (The thief grabs the front of my shirt, and rears his arm back to punch me. I throw my arms up to shield my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of movement. The next thing I see is a spatter of blood on my counter, and the man out cold on the floor with a bloody nose. My manager, with a paramedic from the earlier emergency, walks up.)

    Manager: “What the heck just happened?”

    (As I tell my story, an assistant manager calls the police, opens another line, and checks out the waiting customers. The paramedic starts checking on the man, who has a clearly broken nose. The man slowly regains consciousness, and points to me.)

    Thief: “She assaulted me! I’m going to sue!”

    (I talk to the police.)

    Me: “He grabbed me, but I never hit him. I don’t know how he got hurt!”

    (The man, a known criminal, is handcuffed and put in the police car. The officers and my manager go to review the security cameras. About ten minutes later, I get called to come back to the office.)

    Manager: “You have got to watch this!”

    (The camera footage clearly shows the man getting the book, getting in line, arguing with me, and then grabbing my shirt. At that moment, the customer in line after him, a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman, leaps up, grabs the hair on the back of his head, slams his face into my counter, and then calmly steps back to where she had been standing. She did it so quickly, that we have to run the footage back on slow to see exactly what she had done. After the thief is out cold, she walks over to the new line that the assistant manager opened, buys her bag of cat food with cash, and leaves without a word. Apparently, the other customers either didn’t see what she did, or decided to keep their mouths shut. We have no idea who she is, and we never see her again. The thief was charged with assault on me, and arrested. Wherever you are lady, thanks! You’re my personal super hero!)

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