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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    To Her Question You Say Neigh

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Pets & Animals

    (I work at a motoring and leisure store that sells car accessories and camping gear.)

    Me: “Welcome to [auto store]. How may I help you?

    Caller: “Hi there! I just need some help. I’m after a horse for my daughter and I was wondering if you had any white ones?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry; did you say you wanted a horse?”

    Caller: “Yes, a white one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is an auto store; we don’t sell horses, or any animals for that matter.”

    Caller: “Of course you do; you guys are that huge blue store in the complex. I buy bird seed from you every month!”

    (I’m confused, because we are a large blue store, but we certainly don’t sell bird seed.)

    Me: “I can guarantee you we don’t sell bird seed, or horses.”

    Caller: “But you’re the blue store!”

    (I cover the phone and explain her request to my co-worker, who looks very amused. He takes the phone.)

    Coworker: “Hi, ma’am, my coworker has explained your situation to me. I believe you may be talking about [pet and garden supply store]. They are in the same complex, and they are a blue store. I assume that’s where you bought your bird seed from.” *pauses while the caller is talking* “Not a problem, ma’am, but I don’t think they sell horses. In fact they only sell fish, and pet and garden supplies.”

    (He pauses again, and puts the speaker-phone on.)

    Caller: “…and they are going to sell me a HORSE, d*** it!” *click*

    Duh, A Deer

    | Levittown, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    (An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

    Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

    (She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

    Customer: “Bucks!”

    Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

    Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

    Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

    Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

    Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

    (She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

    Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”

    The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (A customer is buying furniture to be delivered and assembled by our tech.)

    Customer: “I have cats, so whoever you send over must not be allergic.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Make sure he’s a vegetarian, too.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “He has to have brown hair, and an earring, but no tattoos. He needs to be good at sports.”

    Me: “I don’t think we can do all that.”

    Customer: “He needs to know a language other than English.”

    Me: “You’re just kidding, right?”

    Customer: “Yes. Just stick with the no cat allergy request.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Man’s Best Friend, From Beginning To End

    | Alamogordo, NM, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top

    (A family has just had their old golden retriever euthanized, due to a mix of a bad heart and bone cancer. The whole family is pretty despondent, but the youngest, a little boy, is taking it the worst. While the family is waiting for the paperwork to get finished, one of our regulars—a young Air Force lieutenant—walks in. He quickly notices the group, and approaches the desk.)

    Lieutenant: “Did they just have to put someone down?”

    (I nod. The lieutenant sits down right next to the boy, who is near tears.)

    Lieutenant: “You okay, little guy?”

    (The boy nods.)

    Lieutenant: “Did you lose someone you care about?”

    Boy: “Uh huh…”

    Lieutenant: “Do you miss him?”

    Boy: “Uh huh…”

    Lieutenant: “Did you make every day of his life worth living?”

    Boy: “Huh?”

    Lieutenant: “I lost my little brother to cancer a few years back, and it tore me up. Had I done everything I could? What if I had done this or that differently? I just didn’t know, and it ate me up inside. Then they read us his will. It said, “I thank you, all of you, for making what borrowed time on Earth I had worth it, down to the second. That is all I could have asked for; know that should this cancer take me before I pen this will again, I loved each of you like no other family can, and going out with a smile worth smiling is the best way to go”.”

    (The whole family is listening at this point, and the boy is completely enraptured. The lieutenant, lost in his recounting for a moment, looks back at the child.)

    Lieutenant: “So, if you did your best—your VERY BEST—to make every day of his life worth living; I’m sure from wherever he is now, he’s looking back on your time together and smiling.”

    (The boy runs out of his chair, up to the lieutenant, and gives him a hug. He lets loose all the tears he was fighting back. The father tries to remove the child from his iron-gripped hug, but the lieutenant stops him.)

    Lieutenant: *to the father* “It really is no trouble at all…”

    (As for the boy, he eventually the he cried himself to sleep in the lieutenant’s lap.)

    Acting Like A Dog

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “You’re a very pretty girl. How old are you?”

    (I get flustered and blush as I finish the paperwork for his dog’s stay.)

    Me: “Uh, thank you, sir. I just, uh, I just turned 21.”

    Customer: “You’re still a little girl! I’ll be 40 this month. You know what that means: prostate exams. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (I am hurriedly finishing the paperwork.)

    Me: “Your total is $235. Thank you for choosing our kennel. I hope Bruiser enjoyed his stay! He’s a sweetie; we would welcome him back anytime.”

    Customer: “You didn’t answer my question. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “No, sir. I do not. How would you like to pay?”

    (He leans over the counter.)

    Customer: “A pretty little redhead like you? I’m sure you know a lot about a lot of things.”

    Me: “I see you’ve previously used Visa. Would you like for us to charge the same card?”

    Customer: “I’d like for you to answer my question, honey.”

    (A coworker has overheard our interaction came to the front. He is approximately 6’3″ and solid muscle. His hair is also a brighter shade of red than mine.)

    Coworker: “I heard somebody up here likes redheads.”

    Customer: “I was talking to—”

    Coworker: “I know who you were talking to, and if you do not stop talking to her, the only thing that will be up your a** is my foot. Now how would you like to pay, sir?”

    (The customer promptly pays. The kennel owner received complaints about both my coworker and I, but she had also had incredibly creepy interactions with this client. She informed him that his business was no longer welcome.)

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