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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    Totally Bugging Out

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

    (It is a hot and buggy day, and a guest enters with her friend. They are talking loudly, and make a beeline for the elevators. With their backs turned to me, I see a large spider hanging on the back of the guest. The guest is oblivious because she keeps talking to her friend, who doesn’t notice.)

    Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, ma’am!”

    (The guest ignores me and disappears in the elevator.)

    (I don’t think anything of it until a few minutes later; I get a call from her room.)

    Me: “Hello, guest services. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “Yes, you can help me by giving me a refund RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! I didn’t pay $200 for a room that has BUGS! I just came back and laid down and then found a BUG on my pillow!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry about that, ma’am.”

    Guest: “You better be! This is outrageous! You all are THEIVES!”

    Me: “Well, I’ll just send the manager up to help you.”

    Guest: “Fine! I’m not lying!”

    (I send the manager up and he comes back later to say that there was a spider on the guest’s pillow. He described it and sure enough, it was the exact same spider the guest had brought in with her from outside. It had crawled into her hair, and got smashed on her pillow! The manager explained this to her, but the guest didn’t believe it, and called us all liars and con artists.)

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

    Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My city is having an annual festival in the downtown area. I have an animatronic owl that I like to bring out on such occasions. It sits on my shoulder and moves in a very life-like manner. Kids love it and are very respectful of it. Adults, on the other hand are not. A woman grabs me by the shoulder, spins me around, and yells…)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

    Me: “Whoa… um, please don’t touch me. It’s a puppet.”

    (I begin to walk away, but she grabs me again and tries to knock the owl off my shoulder.)

    Woman: “IT LOOKS SO REAL! WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL ON YOUR SHOULDER?! HAVING A PET OWL IS ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Again, please don’t touch me, and DO NOT touch my puppet. And it IS a puppet, not real. It’s made of faux fur, polymer and cables.”

    (The woman starts yelling to a police officer, who is monitoring the event.)

    Woman: “THIS WOMAN HAS A PET OWL! ARREST HER! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

    (The officer comes over, and examines my owl puppet.)

    Officer: “So how does this thing work?”

    (I explain how I control it with a hidden cable, and how it’s made.)

    Woman: “SHE’S LYING! THAT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    Officer: “Ma’am, it’s obviously a puppet. A very neat and realistic puppet, but a puppet all the same. I’m going to have to ask you to stop yelling; you’re causing a disturbance.”

    Woman: “DON’T LET HER FOOL YOU! IT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    (I remove the owl from my shoulder, showing that it stays put with magnets and reveal the hidden cable.)

    Woman: “MURDERER! YOU MURDERED AN INNOCENT OWL! MURDERER!”

    Officer: “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming with me!”

    Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

    | Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes I do.”

    Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “C-come again?”

    Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

    (I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

    Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

    Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

    Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

    Me: “That’s probably why.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

    Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

    (I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

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