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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Animal-Hating, Manner-less And Bigoted, Oh My

    | NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m helping a couple of regulars with finding ingredients for a new recipe. One of them is blind, and has his guide dog with him. Another customer stomps up to us while I am showing them different spices.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me! I need your help.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait until I’m done helping these gentlemen.”

    Customer #1: “No, I need help now!”

    Me: “Then if you’d like, I can call one of my coworkers over and they can help you.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t want you to call someone else.”

    Me: “Then you will have to wait.”

    (I turn back to the regulars. The rude customer shoves her way between me and them, stepping on the guide dog’s tail in the process. The dog gives a shrill yelp.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please! You could have seriously hurt his dog!”

    (Customer #1 shoves the dog aside with her foot.)

    Customer #1: “I’m the customer! You have to serve me!”

    Regular Customer: “Miss, she has explained to you that she’s busy, and has offered to call someone else to help you. Don’t shout at her, and please don’t abuse my husband’s guide dog.”

    (Customer #1 turns to him. The regular customer has an obvious Italian accent, but he isn’t difficult to understand.)

    Customer #1: “Get out of here, you d*** foreigner! Don’t come back until you learn some f****** English!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he is speaking perfect English. Now if you don’t calm down, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    (Customer #1 shoves me. I lose my balance, and fall. Immediately, the regular customer, who is a well-known boxer in the local area and quite strong, literally picks up customer #1 and carries her out of the store. She screams profanities and slurs at him the whole way. His partner helps me up, and I pay for their spices myself. I also get the guide dog a large steak bone, for when she is out of her harness. The best part? We found out later that the rude customer was wanted for armed robbery, and that she was arrested that day!)

    Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

    Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

    Vet: “Of course!”

    (The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

    Client: “Is that possible?”

    Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

    Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

    Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

    Dead Parrot Sketch

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store. We offer a variety of animals, including birds.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Do you have any red birds for sale?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that all of the birds we have right now are green and blue, no red ones. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just make one red for me, then?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not something we can do.”

    Customer: “And why not, exactly? I think you’re just being lazy, and I have more than half a mind to call your manager!”

    Me: “You could do that, but he can’t make the birds red either, sorry.”

    (The customer storms off in a huff. She comes back later asking if it is safe to dip a bird in paint.)

    Must Hate Watching Animal Planet

    | GA, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

    (I’m ringing up a customer buying a bag of dog food, and a small toy. When customers pay by credit card, the screen automatically asks if they want to make a donation to help homeless animals.)

    Me: “Would you like to make a donation to [store charity]?”

    Customer: “No, I hate all animals; this is for a friend.”

    Me: “Okay then. Would you like a bag for that?”

    Customer: “Yes, I hate the environment too.”

    Found Out His Pecking Order

    | Burien, WA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work at a store that sells only pet food, no actual live pets, nor have we ever sold live pets. I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store]. This is [name]; how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was in there about a month ago and I bought chicks from you guys. I was told they were all females, but I have two boys! I want to know how you’re going to fix it.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry, sir. I am sure you didn’t purchase them here—”

    Customer: “Don’t you dare try to tell me I didn’t buy them from you! You just don’t want to take responsibility for your mistake!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding here—”

    Customer: “No! There is no misunderstanding! You made a mistake when you sold me these chickens, and now it’s your job to fix it! This is America!”

    Me: “Sir, if you would just let me explain—”

    Customer: “What is there to explain that I didn’t just tell you!?”

    Me: “Sir! If you had listened to me initially, you would know that we did not sell you those chicks. I know that for certain because we do not sell live pets here. I also hate to inform you this, but when purchasing a box of chicks it comes at a certain risk. Sexing chicks at such a young age is incredibly difficult. However if you cannot or do not wish to keep the roosters, most places that sell them will take them back. However in order to fix this situation, you need to contact the people that actually sold you the birds.”

    (The customer suddenly goes all quiet and sheepish.)

    Customer: “This isn’t [other pet store], is it?”

    Me: “No, sir, this is [my pet store].”

    Customer: *click*

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