Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

One Customer And You’re Already Pooped

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I am waiting to pick up my cat at the vet when I witness an exchange between the receptionist and a customer.)

Receptionist: “She’s doing well. She’s passed some formed feces—”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Receptionist: “Uh… It just means it’s solid—”

Customer: “But what does that MEAN?”

Receptionist: “What? Formed feces?”

Customer: “Yeah, that second one.”

Receptionist: “Oh… um… It’s her bowel movements.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Receptionist: “Number Two?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Receptionist: “Her, um, her poo, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”

He’s Telling A Shaggy Dog Story

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals, Top

(I work for a major attorney service firm. Our job is to go out to businesses (usually medical) to copy records. I am a ‘stop setter,’ meaning that I set the appointments for our field agents. One of the field agents comes dashing into the office, his clothing disheveled, and panting.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Field Agent: “You wouldn’t believe it! I went to serve Doctor [Name] with a subpoena for records. I went to his home in Malibu, drove up the hill, and parked. Just as I got out of my convertible to go serve him, four huge Dobermans came charging around the corner and tried to kill me! I ran back, jumped into my car, zoomed down the hill and back here!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll call him.”

(I do just that.)

Me: “Dr. [Name]. This is [My Name] from [Copy Service]. Our field agent says he went to your home to serve a subpoena for the records on [legal case] and—”

Doctor: “Listen to me you dirty little s***! That field agent is LYING! My gate’s closed. NOBODY can get in. He was never chased by any dogs because I don’t HAVE any! I’m not home, so he couldn’t have found me. Besides, the dogs were TIED UP! I can see them right now from my WINDOW!”

A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas

| NC, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a well-known pet store chain that has never sold dogs or cats. It is the week before Christmas. We are fairly busy. I am on the floor doing customer service when an angry customer rushes up to me, dragging his young daughter behind him.)

Customer: “I need a Chihuahua puppy, right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand. Have you lost your pup in the store?”

Customer: “No, you stupid b****. I want to buy a Chihuahua puppy. I’ve looked everywhere in the store and can’t find them.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t sell puppies. We never have.”

Customer: “That’s crap! I saw puppies in here the other day.”

Me: “Yes. Our adoption partners were here. See, we save space in our store for rescues, so shelter dogs and cats can find their forever homes.”

Customer: “I don’t want a USED dog. I want a Chihuahua puppy. One that’s clean!”

(His daughter starts to sob and whine at him.)

Me: “Shelter dogs aren’t used or dirty. I have two rescues, myself.”

Customer: “Listen you w****. Go in the back and get my puppy.”

Me: “At this point, you have insulted me and won’t listen to what I’m telling you. I have the right to refuse you service.”

(I go to walk away from him. He starts screaming over his child’s crying and grabs me by the arm.)

Customer: “YOU F****** B****! YOU’VE RUINED MY GIRL’S CHRISTMAS! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY, MAKING LITTLE GIRLS CRY! NOW GO GET MY PUPPY OR I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED!”

(I’ve had enough. My manager has heard the commotion and is right behind the customer, getting ready to intervene.)

Me: “Right. The Chihuahua puppies come in next Wednesday, with our dragon eggs and unicorn babies. You’ll have to wait until then.”

(My manager had to stop himself from laughing as he escorted the customer to the front for yelling at me and grabbing me. Luckily, my bosses have a good sense of humor and didn’t fire me!)

To Kill A Flirtation

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(A man has just brought his two dogs in, named Scout and Atticus.)

Me: “Your dogs are so cute and sweet!”

Owner: “Oh, thanks!”

Me: “I love their names! To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book! It’s a shame your last name isn’t Finch. Haha!”

Owner: “Yeah… It’s also my wife’s favorite. My VERY pregnant wife. And three kids.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice.”

Owner: “Yeah. I’m married. And I have three kids.”

Me: “O… kay…”

(Once the owner leaves, my boss starts cracking up.)

Boss: “[My Name]! Stop hitting on our clients!”

Me: “I wasn’t! I was just being nice!”

Boss: “Oh, my God. That was hilarious.”

Me: “But… I was just being polite and making conversation!”

(After that, I was a little more careful with whom I struck up a conversation. The man and his family are now regular clients. I’m glad I didn’t scare them off!)

Should Have Vetted The Owners First

| Newport Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

(I’ve just graduated and I can’t find a job. My older brother is a veterinarian, and gets me a temp job at the animal clinic where he works. On my sixth day, when my brother has the day off, a client walks in with her dog. She cuts about eight people to the front.)

Client: “My dog is sick! I need to see the doctor!”

Me: “Okay. Do you have an appointment?”

Client: “H***, no! I thought walk-ins were welcomed.”

Me: “Yes. They are. Is this your first time here, or is your dog already in our system?”

Client: “Of course I’ve been here! You must be stupid because this is, like, my 100th time here. My name is [Client] and my dog is Puddles.”

Me: “And what seems to be the problem with Puddles?”

Client: “I just told you! Don’t you f****** listen? He is f****** sick!”

(By now everyone in the waiting room is looking at us. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being cussed at, I don’t ask her anymore questions. I hand her a form.)

Me: “All right. Just fill out this form and a doctor will be with you in about 20 to 30 minutes.”

Client: “What! Why can’t I see the doctor now?! My dog sick and he is going to die!”

(I look at the dog. He is wagging his tail and eating the free doggy treats we have out.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Since you don’t have an appointment, you’ll have to wait. We have about eight other walk-ins still waiting with their pets.”

Client: “Is Dr. [Brother] here? He’s the guy I always see. Just tell him I’m here.”

Me: “Uh, no. That particular doctor has the day off. You’ll have to wait for Dr. [Name]. She’s the only doctor in today.”

Client: “What?! I’m not going to wait in this f****** line! My dog is going to die and if he does I’m going to sue you for everything you got.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait like everyone else.”

Client: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Yes. You are [Client] and that is Puddles.”

Client: “You little b****! I am Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend, which makes me like family. I get to see the doctor first, before any of these people.”

(I kind of giggle inside, because my brother is gay. He took the day off for his sixth year anniversary with his boyfriend.)

Me: “Oh. Are you a girl that is his friend or his romantic girlfriend?”

Client: “I’m his romantic girlfriend.”

Me: “Oh… But you’re still going to have to wait.”

Client: “Are you deaf or something? I told you I’m Dr. [Brother]’s girlfriend. You have to do what I say or I can have him fire you! You’re just jealous that I’m dating him and you’re too ugly for him to look at.”

Me: “Okay. First, Dr. [Brother] is my brother, so I don’t find him attractive in that sense at all. Second, my brother is GAY! He came out in college. So if you don’t have a wiener dog down there, I don’t think my brother would be very interested in you!”

Client: “You little c***! I’m his girlfriend and I’m going to tell him to fire you!”

Me: “If you’re his girlfriend, when is his birthday?”

Client: “I don’t have to tell you! You’re probably in love with him, you w****!”

(By now everyone is listening in on our conversation. There is a man in the walk-in line with a German Shepard. He comes up to the woman and tells her to back off and wait in line like everyone else.)

Client: “Who the h*** are you? You can’t tell me what to do? Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Man: “I am a sheriff’s deputy, ma’am. You’ve been harassing this woman for the past 10 minutes. She can file harassment charges on you and I will be her witness.”

Client: “F*** you all. I’m never coming back here ever again!”

(She came back the next day. My brother told her he will not be Puddles’ doctor anymore, and that, in fact, he is gay and not her boyfriend.)

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