Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,999 thumbs up)
  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

    Doesn’t Give Two Hoots About Listening

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My city is having an annual festival in the downtown area. I have an animatronic owl that I like to bring out on such occasions. It sits on my shoulder and moves in a very life-like manner. Kids love it and are very respectful of it. Adults, on the other hand are not. A woman grabs me by the shoulder, spins me around, and yells…)

    Woman: “WHAT IS THAT?!”

    Me: “Whoa… um, please don’t touch me. It’s a puppet.”

    (I begin to walk away, but she grabs me again and tries to knock the owl off my shoulder.)

    Woman: “IT LOOKS SO REAL! WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL ON YOUR SHOULDER?! HAVING A PET OWL IS ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Again, please don’t touch me, and DO NOT touch my puppet. And it IS a puppet, not real. It’s made of faux fur, polymer and cables.”

    (The woman starts yelling to a police officer, who is monitoring the event.)

    Woman: “THIS WOMAN HAS A PET OWL! ARREST HER! IT’S ILLEGAL!”

    (The officer comes over, and examines my owl puppet.)

    Officer: “So how does this thing work?”

    (I explain how I control it with a hidden cable, and how it’s made.)

    Woman: “SHE’S LYING! THAT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    Officer: “Ma’am, it’s obviously a puppet. A very neat and realistic puppet, but a puppet all the same. I’m going to have to ask you to stop yelling; you’re causing a disturbance.”

    Woman: “DON’T LET HER FOOL YOU! IT’S A REAL BIRD!”

    (I remove the owl from my shoulder, showing that it stays put with magnets and reveal the hidden cable.)

    Woman: “MURDERER! YOU MURDERED AN INNOCENT OWL! MURDERER!”

    Officer: “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming with me!”

    Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

    | Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes I do.”

    Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “C-come again?”

    Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

    (I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

    Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

    Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

    Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

    Me: “That’s probably why.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

    Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

    (I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

    Where Does The Fox Stay?

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat and five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

    Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

    Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

    Me: “You could try phoning the [well known animal charity]?”

    Client: “I’m not doing that!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

    Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

    Pen-ding Emergency

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

    Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

    Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

    Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

    Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

    Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

    Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

    Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*

    Page 21/62First...1920212223...Last