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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Whiskers Away From Fur-Ball Abuse

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work for a small, privately owned, non-profit, no-kill animal shelter. We are full to capacity as kitten season is in full swing. A woman calls wanting to give up her cat to us.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but we are currently full and have no open cages.”

    Customer: “So if I bring you guys a cage, you’ll take my cat?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, we have no room for another cage.”

    Customer: “You can’t just shove the cat in a corner somewhere?”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid not, ma’am. However, I can provide you with the names and phone numbers of several other local shelters that may be able to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sounds good! Do you know if they’ll be able to take my cat?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “To save time, please only give me numbers of shelters who have room for my cat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we are a private shelter, and not affiliated with any other locations. I wouldn’t know how many vacancies other shelters have at the moment.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?! That’s so unprofessional! You should know things like that!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m generally too busy feeding the animals in the morning to call around to every local shelter and ask how many open cages they have that day.”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD! YOU SHOULD SPEND LESS TIME WORRYING ABOUT ANIMALS, AND MORE TIME HELPING CUSTOMERS!”

    A-Meow-Rica

    | Noblesville, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a customer at a pet store purchasing a dog harness. It is actually for my cat, who is too big for a cat harness.)

    Cashier: “What a cute harness! What kind of dog do you have?”

    Me: “It’s for my cat. She’s a Maine Coon.”

    (The customer behind me overhears.)

    Customer: “You can’t buy that! It’s for a dog!”

    Me: “I know, but it will fit my cat.”

    Customer: “That harness is for dogs only! D-O-G-S!”

    Me: “But the cat harnesses are too small. My cat has to wear a dog harness.”

    Customer: “Are you a foreigner or something? Real Americans like dogs!”

    Me: “I am American and I like dogs, but I like cats, too.”

    Customer: “Un-American!” *storms off*

    Don’t Get The Hump

    | Boise, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an exotic petting zoo. Every Halloween, for several years, we set up our petting zoo at a maze. This particular year, I am in charge of answering questions people have about the animals. I am standing in front of the Bactrian camel—or two-humped camel&mdsh; because I am bottle feeding him. A guest walks up to the pen with two young boys in tow.)

    Guest: “Look, kids, you see those humps? That’s where camels store all their water so they don’t get thirsty!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the camel stores fat in his humps. The reason camels can go so long without water is because their red blood cells are shaped like an oval, instead of ours which are circular. The shape allows the camel to hold more water in his bloodstream without bursting his blood cells.”

    Guest: “You see, kids! I told you camels store water in their humps! Let’s go look at the llamas. Make sure they don’t spit on you!”

    Physician, Listen To Thyself

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (We have a popular puppy preschool class that generally gets full two weeks prior. It also requires a deposit to secure your position. Most people pay when they book. It is one day before class start.)

    Customer: “Hello, I am a surgeon and my time is precious so if you could hurry up and pay my deposit for puppy preschool.”

    Me: “Sure, what was your name?”

    Customer: *sigh* “I can’t believe I have to deal with this. I’m a surgeon and should be spoken to in proper English. It’s not “was your name”, it’s “is your name”.”

    Me: “My apologies. What is your name? I will check your deposit paid on the list.”

    Customer: “My name is [name], and hurry up! I just got off night shift at the hospital as I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

    Me: “I see that you do have your name on the waiting list, but as the class is starting tomorrow the class has been filled as others have come in earlier to pay their deposits and secure their positions. I’m sorry, but there are no vacancies at this stage.”

    Customer: “So, how much is the deposit?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, again, but I can’t take your deposit as the class is full.”

    Customer: “You just said that. Don’t repeat yourself. How much is the deposit? I booked the class three weeks ago.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry. The deposit is required to secure a position. Simply booking won’t secure your position. We usually explain this when you book in and recommend you pay a deposit at the time of booking.”

    Customer: “Yes, you did recommend that, but I am a surgeon; my time is precious. I work long hours so I could not pay it then. I am here to pay today.”

    Me: “We appreciate people may work long and difficult hours. We do have extended hours to make it easier for our clients. Our opening hours are 8 am – 8 pm, seven days a week, and if you are unable to come in, then we do take phone payments.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a surgeon and work longer than that and don’t get a break. So, you need to respect me and take my deposit.”

    Me: “I am sorry. As I said the class is full and I cannot take your deposit. I can put you on a waiting list for our next class with a date TBA, but we don’t take deposits for future classes until dates are confirmed.”

    Customer. “Stop repeating yourself! Take my deposit!” *slams credit card onto counter*

    Me: “I am trying to explain that I can’t take your deposit as the class is full. I can’t fit you into that class, and paying your deposit will not get you in.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you keep repeating yourself. I am going to ring the puppy preschool trainer tomorrow.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ring her, but she will still be unable to fit you in her class as it is full.”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon. She knows this and has kept a position for me. Take my deposit so I can leave!”

    Me: “I have been trying to explain the class is full. You cannot join this class.”

    Customer: “Stupid dumb b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. You can’t speak to me that way!”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon!” *leaves*

    Animal Attraction

    | MO, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (The animal shelter I work at accepts volunteers for work. I am on shift with a volunteer, an attractive lady who is in her 20s. I am male. She is laying on the floor in the office, playing with a puppy while I do some paperwork nearby. The puppy rests his head on her bottom and falls asleep. An elderly patron who often visits the shelter to play with cats walks in.)

    Elderly Patron: “What a cute pup! Look where his head is!”

    (The patron turns to me and grins.)

    Elderly Patron: “Don’t you wish your head was where his is, young man?”

    (I almost choke.)

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