October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Please Do Not Be Fed By The Customers

| CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I am a senior barn helper/junior instructor at a riding stable for children on the autism spectrum. One rider’s mother is dropping off her daughter and brings some food for the horses, including a large bag of apricots, which are bad for horses, and gourds, which are also not good for horses.)

Mother: *to daughter* “See, you just give them the apricots like this!”

Me: “Um, I don’t think apricots are really good for horses. Especially the pits.”

Mother: *gesturing to stable owner* “But she said it was okay! They’re just apricots!”

(The stable owner is talking to the senior instructor about the lesson schedule for today at this point.)

Me: *seeing I can’t do anything to stop her, since she’s already fed at least four apricots to one of the horses* “Just take the pit out first. And don’t force the horses to eat them. They’re sensitive to acidic foods.”

Mother: “Oh, okay!”

(She proceeds to take the pits out, but drops them on the floor outside one of the horse’s stalls. We have a dog at the stable, too, so I pick up the pits before he can eat them.)

Me: “Can you also put the pits over in the compost heap so the dog doesn’t get them, please? He could choke on them.”

Mother: “Oh, sure. And what about these gourds? My friend gave them to me and said the horses would love them.”

Me: “Well, horses don’t eat gourds, but maybe the goats will be interested.”

(Our goat appear rather fat from grazing constantly, but are actually quite agile and can get through tight spaces if need be, a fact the mother doesn’t seem to grasp.)

Mother: *trying to whack open a gourd against a wooden tack trunk* “Ugh. This thing won’t open. Do you happen to have a knife somewhere around here?”

Me: “Um, no, we don’t. Try that lemon cucumber. My goats like those.”

Mother: *breaking open lemon cucumber* “Oh, wow! This looks like a cucumber but…” *sniffs* “…it smells like a lemon!”

Me: “That’s why they call it a lemon cucumber. Here, I’ll offer it to the goats and you can just leave your gourd there on the trunk.”

Mother: *not paying attention* “Here, goat! Eat this!”

(She waves the lemon cucumber in the goat’s face. The goat, understandably, backs away, towards a gap you wouldn’t expect it to fit through. The mother goes to the other side of a shed to find the other goat, who also backs away. She comes back to the first goat, which is now gone.)

Mother: *looking around* “Where’d it go? It couldn’t have gone through that gap! Or under the shed! Where is it? Why’d it leave?”

Me: *to my co-volunteer* “Maybe it went through the gap because you’re shoving food it doesn’t want in its face?”

Co-Volunteer: “And maybe she should trust us when we say not to feed something to an animal?”

The Amphibious Ambiguous Government

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I am ringing a customer out for some products for her turtle.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Ha! And let the government know I have a turtle? No, thank you!”

Hunting For The Right Department

| Titusville, FL, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work in a large retailer that has several departments. A customer approached me walking toward Sporting Goods from the Garden Center entrance.)

Customer: “Am I heading the right way for animals?”

Me: “You’re heading the right way for hunting them.”

My Roommate Is My Pet Hate

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I’m 18 and working at a convenience store which sells, amongst the usual odds and ends, pet food. I’m working the night shift, and it’s 4:30 am and really quiet, so I have my minor tasks finished. I’m just relaxing and doing some cleaning when I hear shouting outside. I see a man coming towards the door, screaming into his cell phone. He walks in mid-scream.)


(I stare as he walks by, when suddenly he stops and looks at my nametag. He starts speaking (slightly) quieter, and heads towards a back aisle.)

Customer: “—and you know what else? Now there’s another night ruined. [My Name] is stuck working tonight at [Convenience Store]. He was looking forward to a quiet night where he could do some cleaning, some inventory, and take it easy. Instead, he has to stand behind the counter listening to a crazy man screaming into his phone because HIS ROOMMATE IS A STUPID, MOTHERF******, SELFISH, IDIOTIC, TOOL! IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR STUPIDITY FOR ANOTHER—”

(He pauses mid-sentence, then looks at his phone, then at me.)

Customer: *in a completely calm voice* “His voicemail just cut out again.”

Me: “What happened?”

(The customer comes up and puts several cans of cat food on the counter. As I ring him up, he unlocks his phone and starts dialing while he talks.)

Customer: “I work in a 24 hour call center. I just had the shift from hell, and got home to find my roommates cat howling and crying because it’s hungry and we have no cat food. My roommate knew, but he went out partying anyway and left me to deal with it.” *suddenly he holds the phone closer and begins screaming again* “SO I’M HERE AT 4:30 IN THE F****** MORNING MAKING YOUR DAY WORSE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS AN A**! THE CAT IS HOWLING AND SCREAMING, AND I CAN’T SLEEP UNTIL IT’S FED, BUT G** F****** FORBID THAT ANYBODY INTERFERE WITH THE A**-HOLE’S LATEST HOOKUP!”

(He continues to scream obscenities into his phone while paying me for the cat food, then apologizes to me again for his behavior and wishes me a calmer night before screaming again into his phone.)


(He walks out screaming, and I burst out laughing. It became a running joke for several days after that, until I see the customer and another man at midnight looking at junk food. They’re talking normally, and when they reach the counter the customer’s eyes widen and he greets me happily, and then looks at his friend.)

Customer: “Well?”

Customer #2: “Well what?”

Customer: “This is [My Name].”

Customer #2: *looking confused* “Hi?”

Me: “Hi.”

Customer: “Are you going to apologize?”

Customer #2: “For what?”

Customer: *eyes narrowing* “You didn’t listen to my voicemails, did you?”

This Service Just Tanked

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am the customer. I am buying a bearded dragon and set-up for my daughter. The employee has been showing me everything I need, including the tank and supplies.)

Employee: “You will also need this scrub brush.”

Me: “What? I have to scrub the bearded dragon?”

Employee: “No, it’s to scrub the tank.”

Me: “…This is going on ‘Not Always Right,’ isn’t it?”

Page 2/7212345...Last