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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Not Worming Out Of This One

    | CA, USA | Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

    (I am on the phone with a customer.)

    Customer: “What’s the best soil for my vegetable garden?”

    Me: “[Brand] planting mix is an excellent soil for veggies. It’s all organic, and has chicken manure, kelp meal, and worm castings.”

    Customer: “Worms? Like… worms?”

    Me: “Earthworms, actually. Their castings… worm poop. It’s really good for the soil.”

    Customer: “So the worms would be in my vegetables?”

    Me: “No, it’s just their castings; they’ll be in the soil.”

    Customer: “So when we eat the vegetables will there be worms?”

    Me: “No… no worms, just their poop in the soil.”

    Customer: “Yes, but will the worms be in our vegetables when we eat them?”

    Me: “No… no worms.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes!”

    Customer: “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.” *click!*

    Say Neigh To Demanding Customers

    | ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I work at a barn as a stable-hand, and keep my own horse there. My daughter comes to the barn after school, and if she helps with chores, I give her riding lessons on my horse. A customer approaches me while I’m giving her a lesson.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but what do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “Teaching my daughter how to ride.”

    Customer: “Well this is my daughter’s lesson time, and that’s her lesson horse!”

    (I pull out the lesson schedule.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there are no lessons scheduled for this time.”

    Customer: “Yes there is! Now you get that grubby child off my baby’s horse before I get the manager!”

    Me: “I’m not going to tell my daughter that she can’t ride my horse.”

    (The customer storms off, and comes back with the manager.)

    Customer: “There she is! That b**** right there put her grubby child on my daughter’s lesson horse, and won’t leave the ring so she can have her lesson.”

    Me: “I’ve tried to explain to you already that there are no lessons scheduled for the rest of the day. That’s my horse, and she certainly isn’t a lesson horse.”

    Customer: “Do you hear how disrespectful she’s being? I demand you fire her for being so rude to me.”

    Manager: “You want me to fire my best hand for letting her daughter ride her horse on her own time, when there are no lessons planned?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Animal-Hating, Manner-less And Bigoted, Oh My

    | NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m helping a couple of regulars with finding ingredients for a new recipe. One of them is blind, and has his guide dog with him. Another customer stomps up to us while I am showing them different spices.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me! I need your help.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait until I’m done helping these gentlemen.”

    Customer #1: “No, I need help now!”

    Me: “Then if you’d like, I can call one of my coworkers over and they can help you.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t want you to call someone else.”

    Me: “Then you will have to wait.”

    (I turn back to the regulars. The rude customer shoves her way between me and them, stepping on the guide dog’s tail in the process. The dog gives a shrill yelp.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please! You could have seriously hurt his dog!”

    (Customer #1 shoves the dog aside with her foot.)

    Customer #1: “I’m the customer! You have to serve me!”

    Regular Customer: “Miss, she has explained to you that she’s busy, and has offered to call someone else to help you. Don’t shout at her, and please don’t abuse my husband’s guide dog.”

    (Customer #1 turns to him. The regular customer has an obvious Italian accent, but he isn’t difficult to understand.)

    Customer #1: “Get out of here, you d*** foreigner! Don’t come back until you learn some f****** English!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he is speaking perfect English. Now if you don’t calm down, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    (Customer #1 shoves me. I lose my balance, and fall. Immediately, the regular customer, who is a well-known boxer in the local area and quite strong, literally picks up customer #1 and carries her out of the store. She screams profanities and slurs at him the whole way. His partner helps me up, and I pay for their spices myself. I also get the guide dog a large steak bone, for when she is out of her harness. The best part? We found out later that the rude customer was wanted for armed robbery, and that she was arrested that day!)

    Barking Up The Wrongest Tree

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am a veterinary technician. I overhear an elderly client talking to the vet.)

    Client: “Oh, Dr. [name], can I ask one more question?”

    Vet: “Of course!”

    (The client gestures to a picture on the wall of a Dalmatian, sitting amidst a bunch of white cats with small black spots.)

    Client: “Is that possible?”

    Vet: “If you mean the markings, I’ve never seen a cat with Dalmatian spots. If you mean the dog being able to sit with cats—”

    Client: “No, no. Can the dog be the dad, and the cat the mom?”

    Vet: “Only with the magic of photoshop.”

    Dead Parrot Sketch

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store. We offer a variety of animals, including birds.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Do you have any red birds for sale?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that all of the birds we have right now are green and blue, no red ones. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just make one red for me, then?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not something we can do.”

    Customer: “And why not, exactly? I think you’re just being lazy, and I have more than half a mind to call your manager!”

    Me: “You could do that, but he can’t make the birds red either, sorry.”

    (The customer storms off in a huff. She comes back later asking if it is safe to dip a bird in paint.)


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