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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Should Have Vetted The Owners First

    | Newport Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (I’ve just graduated and I can’t find a job. My older brother is a veterinarian, and gets me a temp job at the animal clinic where he works. On my sixth day, when my brother has the day off, a client walks in with her dog. She cuts about eight people to the front.)

    Client: “My dog is sick! I need to see the doctor!”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have an appointment?”

    Client: “H***, no! I thought walk-ins were welcomed.”

    Me: “Yes. They are. Is this your first time here, or is your dog already in our system?”

    Client: “Of course I’ve been here! You must be stupid because this is, like, my 100th time here. My name is [Name] and my dog is Puddles.”

    Me: “And what seems to be the problem with Puddles?”

    Client: “I just told you! Don’t you f****** listen? He is f****** sick!”

    (By now everyone in the waiting room is looking at us. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being cussed at, I don’t ask her anymore questions. I hand her a form.)

    Me: “Alright. Just fill out this form and a doctor will be with you in about 20 to 30 minutes.”

    Client: “What! Why can’t I see the doctor now?! My dog sick and he is going to die!”

    (I look at the dog. He is wagging his tail and eating the free doggy treats we have out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. Since you don’t have an appointment, you’ll have to wait. We have about eight other walk-ins still waiting with their pets.”

    Client: “Is Dr. [Brother's Name] here? He’s the guy I always see. Just tell him I’m here.”

    Me: “Uh, no. That particular doctor has the day off. You’ll have to wait for Dr. [Name]. She’s the only doctor in today.”

    Client: “What?! I’m not going to wait in this f****** line! My dog is going to die and if he does I’m going to sue you for everything you got.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait like everyone else.”

    Client: “Don’t you know who I am?”

    Me: “Yes. You are [Name] and that is Puddles.”

    Client: “You little b****! I am Dr. [Brother's Name]‘s girlfriend, which makes me like family. I get to see the doctor first, before any of these people.”

    (I kind of giggle inside, because my brother is gay. He took the day off for his sixth year anniversary with his boyfriend.)

    Me: “Oh. Are you a girl that is his friend or his romantic girlfriend?”

    Client: “I’m his romantic girlfriend.”

    Me: “Oh… But you’re still going to have to wait.”

    Client: “Are you deaf or something? I told you I’m Dr. [Brother's Name]‘s girlfriend. You have to do what I say or I can have him fire you! You’re just jealous that I’m dating him and you’re too ugly for him to look at.”

    Me: “Okay. First, Dr. [Brother's Name] is my brother, so I don’t find him attractive in that sense at all. Second, my brother is GAY! He came out in college. So if you don’t have a wiener dog down there, I don’t think my brother would be very interested in you!”

    Client: “You little c***! I’m his girlfriend and I’m going to tell him to fire you!”

    Me: “If you’re his girlfriend, when is his birthday?”

    Client: “I don’t have to tell you! You’re probably in love with him, you w****!”

    (By now everyone is listening in on our conversation. There is a man in the walk-in line with a German Shepard. He comes up to the woman and tells her to back off and wait in line like everyone else.)

    Client: “Who the h*** are you? You can’t tell me what to do? Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Man: “I am a sheriff’s deputy, ma’am. You’ve been harassing this woman for the past 10 minutes. She can file harassment charges on you and I will be her witness.”

    Client: “F*** you all. I’m never coming back here ever again!”

    (She came back the next day. My brother told her he will not be Puddles’ doctor anymore, and that, in fact, he is gay and not her boyfriend.)

    Dog-Gone Cruelty Will Make Your Dogs Gone

    | IA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a shelter, mostly doing paperwork. To drop off an animal with us there is a $20 surrender fee. This information is posted right on the door. People often try to get around the fee. They will either tie animals to the front door, leave them in a box, or take them around back and drop them over the five-foot high fence surrounding the exercise yard. One morning a member of staff finds two fluffy toy breeds wandering around the yard. One is limping, presumably from the drop. Any stray not claimed in two weeks is spayed/neutered, health checked, given shots, then placed up for adoption. These two are not claimed and are quickly adopted into new homes. Five weeks after they have been dropped off…)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my dogs.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me, what is the name on your application papers?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t fill any of those out last time I was here. I was in too big of a hurry. Just tell me what the cost is so I can get my dogs and go home.”

    Me: “Okay. Why don’t you go to the back and look at the dogs. I’ll get the paperwork started then?”

    (In a few minutes, the customer comes storming back.)

    Customer: “WHERE ARE MY DOGS?! What kind of boarding kennel is this, giving away my dogs?”

    Me: “I’m not understanding you, ma’am. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The lady back there said my dogs aren’t here. I dropped off two [toy breed] dogs five weeks ago when I went on vacation and now they are gone. Where are they?”

    (A light clicks. I realize she is talking about the two abandoned toy breeds that were found in our yard. I try to explain that we are not a boarding kennel, what happened to them, and that they had been given new homes. The customer does not want to listen to anything I have to say. After screaming obscenities at me for a good ten minutes, she turns and leaves. She returns later with a police officer in tow.)

    Customer: “Her, there behind the desk. I dropped my dogs off here at the boarding kennel. They made my dogs useless by fixing them and then sold them. I demand that you arrest her for damage of property and theft! This is the worst boarding kennel I have ever seen.”

    Me: “Ma’am, again, this is not a boarding kennel. We—”

    Customer: “Shut it. I don’t want to hear it, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “If you will excuse us for one minute, we will see what we can do.”

    (Motioning to the officer, I manage to get him alone in the back office. I show him the video feed of the two dogs being dropped over the fence. I make him a quick copy of the video and send him off with it. We return to the front.)

    Officer: “Ma’am, will you come with me down to the station, please?”

    (The customer smirks at me until the officer takes her by the arm and leads her to the back of his car.)

    Customer: “What are you doing? I want my dogs back! Arrest her, not me!”

    (They drive off. Later I found out that she was charged with animal cruelty for dropping them over the fence and letting them get hurt when she did, animal neglect for simply dropping them off and not making sure they would be cared for, and two counts of contempt of court for yelling at and spitting on the judge for siding with ‘that d*** boarding kennel.’)

    Flipped Them The Bird

    | AK, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We have a regular who always comes in with his pet parrot. As our regular shops, the parrot sits on his shoulder and quietly chatters to himself. Since the bird is very well-behaved and the employees adore him, we allow the customer to do this. It also makes him pretty popular and gets a lot of questions.)

    Me: “Oh, good afternoon, [Regular Customer]! Hi, [Bird's Name]! Is this all today?”

    Regular Customer: “Yup. That’s it!”

    (While I scan, the customer behind the regular is staring intently at his bird.)

    Other Customer: “Excuse me… Is that thing on your shoulder real?”

    (Before either of us can answer, the parrot suddenly whirls around and leans into the other customer’s face.)

    Parrot: “SQUAAAAAAWK!”

    A Bona-Fido Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an animal charity. I am out in the local community promoting responsible dog ownership.)

    Me: “So is your dog neutered then?”

    Customer: “Sorry?”

    Me: “Sorry, madam. Is your dog neutered?”

    (The customer stares blankly.)

    Colleague: “Madam, has your dog been castrated?”

    (The customer continues to stare blankly.)

    Me: “Has he been ‘done’?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. He did have an operation on his ears a few weeks ago…”

    No Paws For Thought, Part 3

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a customer at a big-box superstore. I have an invisible disability. I have just gotten a small service dog to help me with it. We don’t have a ‘service dog’ vest for him yet. He’s currently sitting quietly in the child seat of a grocery cart, well out of reach of any of the store’s products. I’m waiting to check out. A customer right in front of me in line turns to me.)

    Customer: “They let you have a dog in here? That’s not allowed.”

    Me: “They don’t seem to mind as long as I keep him up and away from food. Plus, he’s a service dog.”

    Customer: “You can’t have dogs where’s there’s food. I know; I have a dog. I’d like to bring him with me but I can’t. You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: “He is a service dog.”

    Customer: *to cashier* “Can you believe that some people bring their dogs everywhere? You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: *louder* “He IS a service dog.”

    Customer: *still talking to cashier “People need to learn you can’t just bring your dog anywhere you want. Only service dogs are allowed.”

    (I give up and talk to the cashier.)

    Me: “He IS a service dog. I have the papers for him and everything.”

    (The customer ignores me. She finishes checking out and walks off, still muttering.)

    Customer: “Only service dogs are allowed inside.”

    Cashier: “What the heck was her problem? Some people need to spend some time living in real society like we do and figure out how things work.”

    Older Couple Behind Us In Line: “D*** right!”

    (We proceed to finish checking out. We spend five minutes laughing with the older couple behind us and telling jokes about entitled people. Thanks for making our day, grouchy customer!)

    Related:
    No Paws For Thought, Part 2
    No Paws For Thought

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