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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Dog-Gone Cruelty Will Make Your Dogs Gone

    | IA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a shelter, mostly doing paperwork. To drop off an animal with us there is a $20 surrender fee. This information is posted right on the door. People often try to get around the fee. They will either tie animals to the front door, leave them in a box, or take them around back and drop them over the five-foot high fence surrounding the exercise yard. One morning a member of staff finds two fluffy toy breeds wandering around the yard. One is limping, presumably from the drop. Any stray not claimed in two weeks is spayed/neutered, health checked, given shots, then placed up for adoption. These two are not claimed and are quickly adopted into new homes. Five weeks after they have been dropped off…)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my dogs.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Can you tell me, what is the name on your application papers?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t fill any of those out last time I was here. I was in too big of a hurry. Just tell me what the cost is so I can get my dogs and go home.”

    Me: “Okay. Why don’t you go to the back and look at the dogs. I’ll get the paperwork started then?”

    (In a few minutes, the customer comes storming back.)

    Customer: “WHERE ARE MY DOGS?! What kind of boarding kennel is this, giving away my dogs?”

    Me: “I’m not understanding you, ma’am. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The lady back there said my dogs aren’t here. I dropped off two [toy breed] dogs five weeks ago when I went on vacation and now they are gone. Where are they?”

    (A light clicks. I realize she is talking about the two abandoned toy breeds that were found in our yard. I try to explain that we are not a boarding kennel, what happened to them, and that they had been given new homes. The customer does not want to listen to anything I have to say. After screaming obscenities at me for a good ten minutes, she turns and leaves. She returns later with a police officer in tow.)

    Customer: “Her, there behind the desk. I dropped my dogs off here at the boarding kennel. They made my dogs useless by fixing them and then sold them. I demand that you arrest her for damage of property and theft! This is the worst boarding kennel I have ever seen.”

    Me: “Ma’am, again, this is not a boarding kennel. We—”

    Customer: “Shut it. I don’t want to hear it, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “If you will excuse us for one minute, we will see what we can do.”

    (Motioning to the officer, I manage to get him alone in the back office. I show him the video feed of the two dogs being dropped over the fence. I make him a quick copy of the video and send him off with it. We return to the front.)

    Officer: “Ma’am, will you come with me down to the station, please?”

    (The customer smirks at me until the officer takes her by the arm and leads her to the back of his car.)

    Customer: “What are you doing? I want my dogs back! Arrest her, not me!”

    (They drive off. Later I found out that she was charged with animal cruelty for dropping them over the fence and letting them get hurt when she did, animal neglect for simply dropping them off and not making sure they would be cared for, and two counts of contempt of court for yelling at and spitting on the judge for siding with ‘that d*** boarding kennel.’)

    Flipped Them The Bird

    | AK, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We have a regular who always comes in with his pet parrot. As our regular shops, the parrot sits on his shoulder and quietly chatters to himself. Since the bird is very well-behaved and the employees adore him, we allow the customer to do this. It also makes him pretty popular and gets a lot of questions.)

    Me: “Oh, good afternoon, [Regular Customer]! Hi, [Bird's Name]! Is this all today?”

    Regular Customer: “Yup. That’s it!”

    (While I scan, the customer behind the regular is staring intently at his bird.)

    Other Customer: “Excuse me… Is that thing on your shoulder real?”

    (Before either of us can answer, the parrot suddenly whirls around and leans into the other customer’s face.)

    Parrot: “SQUAAAAAAWK!”

    A Bona-Fido Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an animal charity. I am out in the local community promoting responsible dog ownership.)

    Me: “So is your dog neutered then?”

    Customer: “Sorry?”

    Me: “Sorry, madam. Is your dog neutered?”

    (The customer stares blankly.)

    Colleague: “Madam, has your dog been castrated?”

    (The customer continues to stare blankly.)

    Me: “Has he been ‘done’?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. He did have an operation on his ears a few weeks ago…”

    No Paws For Thought, Part 3

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a customer at a big-box superstore. I have an invisible disability. I have just gotten a small service dog to help me with it. We don’t have a ‘service dog’ vest for him yet. He’s currently sitting quietly in the child seat of a grocery cart, well out of reach of any of the store’s products. I’m waiting to check out. A customer right in front of me in line turns to me.)

    Customer: “They let you have a dog in here? That’s not allowed.”

    Me: “They don’t seem to mind as long as I keep him up and away from food. Plus, he’s a service dog.”

    Customer: “You can’t have dogs where’s there’s food. I know; I have a dog. I’d like to bring him with me but I can’t. You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: “He is a service dog.”

    Customer: *to cashier* “Can you believe that some people bring their dogs everywhere? You can only have service dogs inside.”

    Me: *louder* “He IS a service dog.”

    Customer: *still talking to cashier “People need to learn you can’t just bring your dog anywhere you want. Only service dogs are allowed.”

    (I give up and talk to the cashier.)

    Me: “He IS a service dog. I have the papers for him and everything.”

    (The customer ignores me. She finishes checking out and walks off, still muttering.)

    Customer: “Only service dogs are allowed inside.”

    Cashier: “What the heck was her problem? Some people need to spend some time living in real society like we do and figure out how things work.”

    Older Couple Behind Us In Line: “D*** right!”

    (We proceed to finish checking out. We spend five minutes laughing with the older couple behind us and telling jokes about entitled people. Thanks for making our day, grouchy customer!)

    Related:
    No Paws For Thought, Part 2
    No Paws For Thought

    Snakes Like To Vegetate After A Meal

    | Gladstone, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have several exotic pets. I buy feeder mice and fish for my snakes and turtles once per week. Two other customers come in with their little poodles.)

    Customer #1: “We need to get new collars and leashes for our girls. These are getting dirty.”

    Customer #2: “They must have rhinestones on them, and be pink or purple.”

    Employee #1: *points* “They are right there, ladies. Let me know if you need help reaching the ones on the top.”

    Customer #1: “I’m not going over there! You have nasty lizards over there! No, you just bring all the little pink ones over here and we’ll look at them.”

    Employee #2: “You want her to carry over probably 40 leashes and collars when you could just go look at them yourself?”

    Customer #2: “Are you deaf!? We aren’t going anywhere near there with our babies Those nasty lizards might eat them.”

    (The ‘lizard’ they are talking about is in fact a 14 ft Burmese python, which is about 20 ft away from that wall in a large glass tank.)

    Employee #1: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to stay at the register and the other employee is putting up our new order of fish. You’ll have to pick out the one you want.”

    (In a huff, Customer #1 leaves her dog with her friend and goes over and pulls off 10-15 leashes, knocking probably 30 more onto the floor. She throws them all on the counter before rifling through them. They then spend the next 30 minutes trying every single one on BOTH dogs before deciding on the ones they like. They leave the extras lying on the counter. Then they get in line behind another woman with a small plastic animal box with mice in it.)

    Customer #2: “Ew, who would want a mouse for a pet! That’s so nasty!”

    Employee: “While we do sell mice for pets, these are feeder mice, miss.”

    Customer #1: “What the h*** does that mean? Feeder? What is she feeding them?”

    Customer #3: “No, I’m not feeding them anything. I’m feeding them to my snake when I get home.”

    Customer #2: “You’re so cruel! How can you do that! Why would you keep a nasty snake for a pet and then feed it mice!? Why don’t you let the thing go, or feed it pellets or something? They have all kinds of pellets over there!”

    Employee #2: “Snakes don’t usually eat pellet food. Some eat sausage made from ground up meat, but those pellets are mostly plant matter.”

    Customer #1: “So feed them that. Why can’t they eat vegetables?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah. They should be vegetarians like our puppies here. They only eat [Brand] kibble.”

    Me: “Er… you know [Brand] dog food has meat in it, right? I mean, it’s probably got more meat in it than a lot of other dog foods.”

    Customer #1: “NO. It does NOT have meat in it! We only buy the kind that has venison in it!”

    Employee #2: “Venison is meat, ma’am. It’s made from deer.”

    Customer #2: “You’re so stupid. It’s not deer; it’s venison. All vegetable dog food!”

    Employee #1: “Okay. Well, I’ll just ring up those collars for you.”

    Customer #2: “So you need to get a vegetarian diet for those snakes or just let them go. Killing mice for them is just wrong.”

    Me: “Snakes are not herbivores. They eat meat. They have to. Meat, bugs, eggs, you know, protein. You can’t just throw a carrot in there and expect them to eat it.”

    Customer #1: “I never said they were dinosaurs! I know that they’ve only been around like 300 years or something. Like, when President Lincoln was around they discovered them. But it doesn’t matter. They shouldn’t eat meat. You need to fix that. And this store should not allow people to buy them for food. I’m going to start a petition!”

    Me: “Who in the h*** are you going to petition to make snakes vegetarians? God?!”

    (Customer #2 gasps and clings her dog to her, covering HER DOG’S ears.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, you are going straight to Hell for talking like that. I can’t even be in here.”

    (Customer #2 gestures to her poodle.)

    Customer #2: “Come on, Porsche!”

    Customer #1: “We’re going straight to the health department for this and making sure everyone knows you’re satanic devil worshipers!”

    (They both storm out, leaving the leashes.)

    Me: “Well, that was a wonderful way to start out a Monday. Let me know if the health department shuts you down for being satanic devil worshipers who feed mice to vegetarian snakes.”

    Employee #2: “Yep! I’ll give you a call about it!”

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