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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Banking Is A Whole Different Animal

    | MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

    (My coworker takes a phone call.)

    Coworker: “This is [Veterinarian]. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “This is [Name]. My account number is [number]. I got an insufficient funds notice and I know I have enough in that account. You need to fix this!”

    Coworker: “Sir, this is not a bank.”

    Caller: “YES, IT IS! I just gave you my account number!”

    A Customer With Felineous Intent

    | GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a waitress at an upscale seafood and steak restaurant. There is a decorative two-headed zebra cat table at the front of the restaurant. A customer walks in and screams as soon as they see the table.)

    Customer: “Oh my God!”

    (The customer grabs one of my coworkers and puts her car keys in his hand.)

    Customer: “My car is the Toyota parked up on that hill. Open my trunk and put this cat table inside!”

    Coworker: “Uh…”

    (The customer eventually sits in my section. I try to get her started on the menu, but she is completely turned around in her booth looking toward the front of the restaurant.)

    Me: “Is there something wrong?”

    Customer: “I want that cat table!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but it’s not for sale. It belongs to the owner.”

    Customer: “Well, where is he then? I’m gonna schmooze up to him and then he’ll have to give it to me.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know what’s going on.”

    (I go to the back to get her something to drink. When I go back to the front, I hear meowing. It’s the customer, and she is gesturing for the table to come.)

    Customer: “Meow, meow, meow! Come here kitty!”

    (I can see that other customers are looking.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop… meowing. It’s making people nervous.”

    (This goes on for half an hour. Eventually, I feel I have to talk to the manager.)

    Me: “Can you please talk to this woman? She wants your cat table. She’s meowing and bothering other customers.”

    Boss: “I’m not getting involved with this.”

    (I go back to the table.)

    Me: “Here’s your check.”

    Customer: “What about the cat table?”

    Me: “So as I said before, the table is not for sale.”

    Customer: “Are you serious? This place isn’t very customer oriented!”

    (After she leaves, I pick up the check. On the back of the receipt was a drawing of a demonic cat with sharp teeth and a note that said ‘You better give me your cat table! -The Cat Lady.’)

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    Totally Bugging Out

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

    (It is a hot and buggy day, and a guest enters with her friend. They are talking loudly, and make a beeline for the elevators. With their backs turned to me, I see a large spider hanging on the back of the guest. The guest is oblivious because she keeps talking to her friend, who doesn’t notice.)

    Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, ma’am!”

    (The guest ignores me and disappears in the elevator.)

    (I don’t think anything of it until a few minutes later; I get a call from her room.)

    Me: “Hello, guest services. How may I help you?”

    Guest: “Yes, you can help me by giving me a refund RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! I didn’t pay $200 for a room that has BUGS! I just came back and laid down and then found a BUG on my pillow!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry about that, ma’am.”

    Guest: “You better be! This is outrageous! You all are THEIVES!”

    Me: “Well, I’ll just send the manager up to help you.”

    Guest: “Fine! I’m not lying!”

    (I send the manager up and he comes back later to say that there was a spider on the guest’s pillow. He described it and sure enough, it was the exact same spider the guest had brought in with her from outside. It had crawled into her hair, and got smashed on her pillow! The manager explained this to her, but the guest didn’t believe it, and called us all liars and con artists.)

    Bird Brained, Part 9

    | Norway | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a pet store, and only one staff member is male. We also have a chatty amazon parrot.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Does the parrot say anything?”

    Me: “Yes! He can say many things! Greetings and lots of random nonsense!”

    (I wave at the parrot and he responds by saying ‘buh bye,’ and basically setting him off on a chatting rampage.)

    Customer: “I thought you said it was a he?”

    (I stare at the customer, somewhat confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well… that’s clearly a woman’s voice!”

    (I just stand there for a moment before explaining the principal behind parrots speaking. Needless to say, the customer was sort of embarrassed as he left.)

    Related:
    Bird Brained, Part 8
    Bird Brained, Part 7
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained

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