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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Call A Doctor If He Starts Chirping

    | Clay, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)

    Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes I do.”

    Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “C-come again?”

    Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”

    (I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)

    Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”

    Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”

    Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”

    Me: “That’s probably why.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”

    Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”

    (I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)

    Where Does The Fox Stay?

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat and five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

    Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

    Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

    Me: “You could try phoning the [well known animal charity]?”

    Client: “I’m not doing that!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

    Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

    Pen-ding Emergency

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

    Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

    Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

    Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

    Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

    Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

    Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

    Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*

    Purr-haps She Is A Dog Person

    | Flint, MI, USA | Pets & Animals

    (The store works with an animal rescue agency that comes in on a regular basis for adoption events. A customer is talking to the agency, holding a cat. She grabs me as I walk by.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I have a question, and I know these nice ladies are really pushing for these cats to be adopted, so I’m afraid they won’t be honest.”

    Me: “Oh, sure. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “This cat… it’s vibrating. Is that supposed to happen?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s purring. That means it’s happy.”

    It’s A Dog-Gone Fact

    | NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (Two techs have food poisoning today, so it is just me, a new girl, and the vet. We are in the middle of surgery when a very well-dressed customer and her blue heeler dog come in.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Nobody else is here, so you should help me now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am but we are in the middle of surgery and we are short-staffed today. So if you could please take a seat, I will help you when we are finished.”

    Customer: “You are being rude! I am a paying customer!”

    Me: “Okay then, ma’am. What is the problem today?”

    Customer: “My dog is pregnant. I want to know how many puppies there are.”

    Me: “Okay, and what is her name?”

    Customer: “HIS!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “HIS name is Bandit.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but male dogs can’t get pregnant.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU DONT KNOW S***!” *storms out*

    Me: *sigh* “It’s only 9:30.”


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