Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

(I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

Customer: “What’s that mean?”

(He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

(He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

Me: “… because it’s funny?”

(I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

Going On A Duck Tale

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(My office phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other line sounds like it belongs to an elderly gentleman who may be hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, [Prison]. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi. Yes, this is [Caller] from [Small, Rural Town] and I need a duck license.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir?”

Caller: “I need a duck license. I know I can get one on the Internet, but the Internet is not good out here in [Small, Rural Town].”

Me: “Sir, I think you got the wrong number.”

Caller: “We have so many ducks out here. I need a duck license. I know I can get them on the Internet, but I can’t use the Internet so I need you to help me with a duck license.”

Me: “Sir, you have called the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “You see there are so many ducks around here. So I need your help with a license…”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “… and I need it because there are so many ducks and I need a license to shoot them…”

Me: “Sir? I think you wanted fish and game.”

Caller: “… but I can’t get on the Internet, so I need you to give me a license.”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “The what? Who did I call?”

Me: “You called the prison, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, you can’t help me at all then…”

Me: “Let me get you the number to fish and game.”

(He was very nice and appreciative, and his wrong number made my day!)

Makes You Wish You Were Cat-atonic

| VA, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

Grandmother: “Come look a these pictures.”

(The waitress is obviously uncomfortable as my grandmother proceeds to show her a ton of pictures of my cat.)

Grandmother: “See, it looks like it’s playing piano.”

Mom: “She doesn’t want to see all of our pictures, mom.”

Grandmother: “Look at this one.”

Mom: *mouthing silently* “I’m so sorry.”

Grandmother: “He’s playing with something here…”

One Of The Bugbears Of The Service Industry

| Joplin, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

(I am working at a chain movie store. A young couple come in with two large cardboard boxes full of DVDs to sell back to us. I start the buy-back. I check about 10 DVDs for disk quality with no problem but when I open the next one, cockroaches literally explode out of it and all over me. Naturally, I scream, hurl the DVD away, and proceed to shake and twitch for five minutes. Once I get myself together I put the DVDs back in the box and call the customers back up.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I cannot complete your buy-back at this time. I found some cockroaches in one of the cases and don’t feel comfortable working with them. If you’d like to check over them yourselves I’d be glad to look at them when you bring them back.”

Young Woman: “You found what?”

Me: “Cockroaches.”

Young Woman: “Well, they’ve been sitting in a garage for months.”

Me: “If you go through them at home and bring them back I’ll be glad to help you then. But not today.”

Young Woman: “Okay. So, are you going to do the buy-back now?”

Me: “…no.”

Tried Explaining Until The Cows Came Home

| Santa Monica, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

Customer: “What type of leather is this bag made from?”

Coworker: “It’s made of cow.”

Customer: “What’s a cow?”

(My coworker tries to hide his general shock at this question.)

Coworker: “You know the black and white spotted animal? It lives on a farm?”

Customer: *shakes her head* “I don’t know.”

Coworker: “Where do we get our milk from?”

Customer: *shakes her head again* “I don’t know.”

(My coworker stopped short of actually mooing like a cow and that whole exchange

Page 14/70First...1213141516...Last