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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Some Returns Make You Have Kittens

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    Lady: “We’re here to give back this cat we got from you about a year ago.”

    Me: “Okay. I’m sorry for that. Can I ask why are you returning him? Are you having any problems with him?”

    Lady: “No, we just decided we like kittens but we don’t really like cats. Could we exchange him for another kitten?”

    Me: “You do understand that every kitten will grow into a cat? What will you do when the next kitten grows up?”

    Lady: “Can’t I just exchange it again?”

    Mutant Turtles

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I am stocking shelves in our birdseed section.)

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for something to keep turtles out of my birdfeeder.”

    Me: “… What?”

    Caller: “My birdfeeder? Those turtles keep pestering my birds and eating all the feed.”

    Me: “How would… turtles? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

    Caller: “I…NEED…TO…KEEP…TURTLES…OUT! Is that so hard to understand?”

    Me: “How on earth does a turtle even get onto a birdfeeder?!”

    Caller: “Oh, did I say turtles? I meant squirrels! Now I see your confusion!”

    Didn’t Study The Bear Necessities

    | MT, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A tourist runs into the ranger station looking really scared.)

    Tourist: “Help! There’s a grizzly bear in the parking lot. A grizzly bear! He chased my kids!”

    (The rest of the rangers and I grab our guns and run out to the parking lot to chase off the bear and make sure no one is hurt. When we get outside, we look around but don’t see the bear.)

    Rangers: *yelling* “Where is it?! Where is the bear?”

    Tourist: *pointing frantically* “It’s right there! Right there between those cars! Shoot it!”

    (We continue to look around but don’t see the bear while the tourist continues to point and scream. Finally, one of the rangers notices a marmot running between two cars.)

    Ranger: *pointing at the marmot* “Wait. Is that what you mean? That little brown animal right there?”

    Tourist: “Yes! That’s it! Shoot it, quick!”

    Ranger: “Sir, that is a marmot, not a grizzly. Marmots are just really big ground squirrels.”

    Tourist: “That’s not a grizzly? But it looked just like the picture I saw in the magazine. Are you sure?”

    Ranger: “Yes, sir. Grizzlies are much much bigger. They are taller than a person when they stand up and they weigh 500 lbs or more.”

    Tourist: *embarrassed* “It didn’t look that big in the picture.”

    Losing Their Financial Puppy Fat

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (It should be noted that I’m a bleeding heart and I cry easily. It’s a really slow night, so I get pretty excited when I see a dad and his daughter, who looks to be about seven, approaching my line. The dad leans in close to me to whisper.)

    Dad: “She’s been saving her money up for a while to buy this stuff. Can you split the payment to do her $8.00 in cash and the rest on my card?”

    Me: “Of course I can! I have to do the cash first, though.”

    Dad: “Perfect. I also have some things to buy in a separate transaction.”

    (The girl starts emptying a small purse of money: a few dollar bills but mostly coins. I’m thinking the girl was saving for some toys and art supplies from our kids’ section but after she’s done emptying her purse, she places on the counter pet supplies: a collar, a leash, our most expensive dog bone, and shampoo.)

    Girl: “I love my puppy, so I’m buying him some presents!”

    Me: “Wow! Gosh, that’s really sweet of you! It must have taken a lot of hard work and dedication to save up this much!”

    Girl: *nodding* “I didn’t buy any candy or anything.”

    (Her father winks at me and nods toward the big stack of junk food he’s placed on the other end of the counter. I grin and start ringing the girl’s order up while she counts. She gets to $8, mostly in pennies, and scoops it all up to hand to me.)

    Girl: “Here, miss. I’d like to pay, please.”

    Me: “I think I can help with that! So that’s $8.”

    (Her dad pays for the rest of the order on his card and then I start ringing up the snacks.)

    Dad: “Thank you for being so patient.”

    Me: “Please, sir, it’s no trouble at all. It’s a really slow night, and I have a dog myself. She could have taken all the time in the world, if she’d wanted to!”

    (The girl giggles and hugs her bag close to her. Father and daughter both thank me, and after they leave my manager approaches me.)

    Manager: “Want to go take five to cry in the bathroom?”

    Me: *tearing up as she speaks* “Yeah, I’d really appreciate that. Thank you.”

    Got A Bad Feline About This One

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I do volunteer work at an animal shelter. A lady calls and inquires about a particular cat that she saw on our website. She agrees to come down to the shelter to meet the cat. I bring the cat out as she arrives.)

    Me: “This is [Cat]. She is a bit shy.”

    Lady: “Well, hello there!” *pets cat’s head hard*

    Cat: *backs away*

    Me: “She prefers to be petted on her back, not the head.”

    Lady: “Oh, okay.” *keeps petting cat’s head*

    Cat: *hisses and spits*

    Me: *thinking she misunderstood* “No, no. Like this.” *pets cat’s back*

    Cat: *purrs*

    Lady: “Oh, okay.” *pets cat’s head*

    Cat: *runs away*

    Me: “You know, maybe this isn’t the pet for you…”

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