Dog Gone Customers! This week’s roundup features dog owning-customers whose behavior has gone to the dogs!

1. Beverly Spills Chihuahua (2,884 thumbs up)
   A fast food customer’s attempt to sneak her dog in under her shirt leaves her soaked and una-pee-ling!
2. Bow-Wow Bigotry (1,536 thumbs up)
   Proof paws-itive that discrimination still occurs, no matter how many legs (and tails) you have.
3. Nip-Picking (3,028 thumbs up)
   A “ticked”-off owner gets a crash course in doggy anatomy!
4. Bestial Superiority Complexes (1,830 thumbs up)
   If this bigoted bow-wow’s owner doesn’t like bad breeding, they should look in the mirror.
5. Wait…You Can Do That? (4,174 thumbs up)
   A customer mistakes the local kennel for an all-you-can-dog buffet!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(I work in the fishing department at a sporting goods store. We usually get calls asking our opinion on what equipment to use.)

Caller: “Hi, is this the fishing department?”

Me: “Yes, sir. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know the best rod and reel to use to catch a rocktail fish.”

Me: “Where is it you are trying to catch it?”

Caller: “Oh, it’s a fish in Runescape. So, what should I use?”

(Note: I don’t play Runescape, but know that it’s a computer game.)

Me: “Sir, are you asking advice on what rod/reel to catch a digital fish?”

Caller: “Oh… I didn’t really think this through, did I?”

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

(I work at a dog park, and I get to bring my Great Dane to work with me. Most of my regulars know and love my dog, and he has his own little fan club. My Dane is an obedience champion and has a vast vocabulary of verbal and hand signal commands, including “shake”. However, because of his height, if someone asks him to “shake”, they usually get smacked for their troubles. An unpleasant new visitor to the park begins making disparaging comments.)

New Visitor: *to me* “Border Collies are a real man’s dog. If you aren’t smart enough for a collie, you get something like that!” *points at my dog*

Me: “Excuse me, but that’s incredibly rude.”

New Visitor: “See? What did I tell you? Only a stupid woman would own a stupid dog like that!”

Regular #1: “Actually, that dog is brilliant.”

New Visitor: “Whatever. I bet he doesn’t even know how to shake hands.”

Regular #2: *smiles* “Oh, please try…”

New Visitor: *to my Great Dane* “Shake!”

My Great Dane: *smacks him in the crotch*

(I’m a tour guide for a private college in the North Georgia mountains in a town of 9,000 people. It’s not the biggest city, but it’s the biggest within about 50 miles. A married couple from Atlanta comes to visit the college.)

Man: *nervously* “How do people typically adjust to living in the middle of nowhere?” 

Me: “I actually think it’s peaceful here in the mountains, and I’ve never heard anyone say they miss the traffic.”

(At this point, the couple sees a small green spider on the roof of the golf cart and literally jumps out of the stopped vehicle.)

Me: “Aw, he won’t hurt y’all.”

(The man hesitates three times before finally squishing the spider with his handkerchief. He cautiously climbs back in.)

Woman: “Do you have any… mountain lions here?”

Me: *in an exaggerated southern drawl* “Ain’t seen many mountain lions ’round these parts, far as I reckon.”

Man: “What about bears?”

Woman: “Panthers?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure the most we have up here is foxes and coyotes.”

(The woman gasps like she might have a heart attack while the man’s eyes get very wide. I do my best to assure them that these animals are harmless to humans and that they will likely never see on on campus, and continue with the tour.)

Woman: “How far is civilization from here?”

Me: “Well, the city is the county seat, and there’s lots to do and see downtown, and plenty of options for shopping and dining.” 

Man: “Is there a Walmart anywhere near here?”

Me: “About a 10 minute drive.”

Couple: *in unison* “HALLELUJAH! CIVILIZATION!”