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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Trying To Run A Monkey Business

    | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Money, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a hotel in a college town. It is quite common to require a two-night minimum purchase when booking a room for a special event weekend such as a football game, graduation, etc.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I was wondering if you had any rooms available for this coming Friday.”

    Me: “We do have a few rooms available; however it is a two-night minimum for both Friday and Saturday night.”

    Caller: “Okay, I have to ask you the same as the last hotel I called. What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you?”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you? Why would you even think that I would want a room for two nights if the football game is only one day?!”

    Me: “We require a two night minimum stay for all special event weekends, ma’am. It’s quite a common policy here.”

    Caller: “I don’t care what your policy says. It’s just stupid! You’re just insane!”

    Me: “… Okay.”

    Caller: “If your two night minimum is so common, then why did the 12 other hotels that I called that were sold-out not say anything about a two night minimum, then. Huh?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if they are sold out that means they don’t have any more rooms to sell you at their property, so the two night minimum wouldn’t really matter for them because they don’t have anything.”

    Caller: “See! You said it doesn’t matter.”

    Me: “Our minimum is still in effect for the few remaining rooms we have.”

    Caller: “You’re just a brainless monkey!”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Caller: “No. Goodbye!” *click*

    Me: “And here I thought I was just a desk monkey.”

    Going Barking Mad

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am working the customer service counter at a local grocery store.)

    Customer: *puts a bag of dog food on the counter* “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Certainly. Was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I’m pregnant, and I’m losing my mind. I have a cat.”

    It’s Made With Watership Down

    | NH, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (We have for sale a really soft brand of throw blankets. They’re called ‘Bunny Soft’ to reflect just how soft they are. A customer comes up to my register with one.)

    Customer: “These aren’t made from real bunnies are they?”

    Me: “No, they aren’t. It’s all polyester. I don’t even think real bunnies are this soft.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want it if it’s made from real bunnies. That’s just not right.”

    Donating To The Problem

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (A guy walks into the shelter with a closed cardboard box.)

    Guy: “I have a donation to make to your shelter.”

    Me: “Sure. What kind of donation do you have? Toys, food, or beds?”

    Guy: “It’s a bunch of puppies.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a donation. That’s the reason we need donations.”

    Hot On The Scent For Trouble

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have a service dog and request a booth so he can sit or lie underneath without being in anyone’s way. He wears a bright red vest with the proper identification of his use and I also carry an ID card proving his certifications for use. That also means there is a little bit of a wait unless we make reservations to let them know about the dog and table requests. This happens when waiting for a table.)

    Customer: “I didn’t know this was one of those dog friendly places.”

    Waitress: “It’s not.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better tell that girl over there she needs to put her dog in the car. Wait, you’re not allowed to sass customers are you? Don’t worry. I’ll tell her.” *to me* “Hey, you. B**** with the dog!”

    (I’m thinking he sees someone else waiting for a table with their dog but when I look over I see him waving a cane at me.)

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m talking to you. Didn’t you hear? You’re not allowed to bring your f****** dog here. You young people think the rules don’t apply to you! Well, let me tell you, sweetie, the rules apply to everyone!”

    Me: “He’s a medical dog which makes him allowed everywhere your cane is allowed. So why don’t you turn around and take your self-righteous a** back to your seat and keep your nose out of business you have no right to be in?”

    Customer: “You respect your elders, missy! I fought a war for you to be able to take that beast in this fine establishment!”

    Me: “I give respect where respect is deserved. You may have fought a war back then but I need this dog because I fought a war so you can keep your freedoms. And as for my beast, he’s better mannered than you are. At least he knows how to act in public.”

    (The customer paled before scurrying back to his seat and the other people in the restaurant applauded me. We were given a booth as far away as the man as possible right away and the manager brought out food and water for my dog as well.)

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