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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Physician, Listen To Thyself

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (We have a popular puppy preschool class that generally gets full two weeks prior. It also requires a deposit to secure your position. Most people pay when they book. It is one day before class start.)

    Customer: “Hello, I am a surgeon and my time is precious so if you could hurry up and pay my deposit for puppy preschool.”

    Me: “Sure, what was your name?”

    Customer: *sigh* “I can’t believe I have to deal with this. I’m a surgeon and should be spoken to in proper English. It’s not “was your name”, it’s “is your name”.”

    Me: “My apologies. What is your name? I will check your deposit paid on the list.”

    Customer: “My name is [name], and hurry up! I just got off night shift at the hospital as I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

    Me: “I see that you do have your name on the waiting list, but as the class is starting tomorrow the class has been filled as others have come in earlier to pay their deposits and secure their positions. I’m sorry, but there are no vacancies at this stage.”

    Customer: “So, how much is the deposit?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, again, but I can’t take your deposit as the class is full.”

    Customer: “You just said that. Don’t repeat yourself. How much is the deposit? I booked the class three weeks ago.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry. The deposit is required to secure a position. Simply booking won’t secure your position. We usually explain this when you book in and recommend you pay a deposit at the time of booking.”

    Customer: “Yes, you did recommend that, but I am a surgeon; my time is precious. I work long hours so I could not pay it then. I am here to pay today.”

    Me: “We appreciate people may work long and difficult hours. We do have extended hours to make it easier for our clients. Our opening hours are 8 am – 8 pm, seven days a week, and if you are unable to come in, then we do take phone payments.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a surgeon and work longer than that and don’t get a break. So, you need to respect me and take my deposit.”

    Me: “I am sorry. As I said the class is full and I cannot take your deposit. I can put you on a waiting list for our next class with a date TBA, but we don’t take deposits for future classes until dates are confirmed.”

    Customer. “Stop repeating yourself! Take my deposit!” *slams credit card onto counter*

    Me: “I am trying to explain that I can’t take your deposit as the class is full. I can’t fit you into that class, and paying your deposit will not get you in.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you keep repeating yourself. I am going to ring the puppy preschool trainer tomorrow.”

    Me: “You are welcome to ring her, but she will still be unable to fit you in her class as it is full.”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon. She knows this and has kept a position for me. Take my deposit so I can leave!”

    Me: “I have been trying to explain the class is full. You cannot join this class.”

    Customer: “Stupid dumb b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. You can’t speak to me that way!”

    Customer: “I am a surgeon!” *leaves*

    Animal Attraction

    | MO, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (The animal shelter I work at accepts volunteers for work. I am on shift with a volunteer, an attractive lady who is in her 20s. I am male. She is laying on the floor in the office, playing with a puppy while I do some paperwork nearby. The puppy rests his head on her bottom and falls asleep. An elderly patron who often visits the shelter to play with cats walks in.)

    Elderly Patron: “What a cute pup! Look where his head is!”

    (The patron turns to me and grins.)

    Elderly Patron: “Don’t you wish your head was where his is, young man?”

    (I almost choke.)

    Under The Sea Meets Under The Influence

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am shopping with my four-year-old daughter. She has just seen ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. She has become obsessed with Sebastian, the singing crab. As we pass by the seafood section, her eyes go wide and she zooms right up to the lobster tank.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy! They have crabs!”

    Me: “Those are lobsters, babygirl. They’re like crabs but different.”

    My Daughter: *crestfallen* “Oh… so they don’t sing?”

    Me: “Nope. Remember what mommy said? Real crabs don’t sing, only pretend ones do.”

    My Daughter: “I still wanna see them!”

    (At this point a seafood counter employee walks up.)

    Employee: “Hey there, little lady. Are you checking out the lobsters?”

    My Daughter: “Uh-huh.”

    Me: “She’s fascinated by sea creatures.”

    Employee: “Is that so?”

    (The employee kneels down to my daughter’s eye level.)

    Employee: “Would you like to see one up close?”

    My Daughter: “Yeah! Can I, daddy?”

    (I nod to the employee, who puts on some rubber gloves and fishes a large lobster out of the tank. He kneels down again and lets my daughter get close to it.)

    Employee: “Now don’t put your fingers near his feet or his mouth, sweetie. You see how he has his pincers here, and his big tail back here?”

    My Daughter: “Cooooooool!”

    Employee: “You want to touch him? Make sure you only touch him on his back, like this.”

    (The employee pats the lobster along its back, just like one would do with a cat or dog. My daughter copies him, giggling about how funny the lobster feels. Suddenly there is a loud shriek from behind us. A middle-aged woman is staring wide-eyed with both hands over her mouth.)

    Woman: “Oh, my God! What are you doing?! Put that horrid thing away!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “You can’t let a little girl touch a gross, ugly thing like that! Get it away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my daughter is quite responsible with animals. She holds and plays with my wife’s pet gerbils all the time.”

    Woman: “You let her touch RODENTS?! How disgusting! She’s going to get a disease! You should be thrown in prison!”

    (She barrels away at full speed, almost running into two people.)

    My Daughter: “Daddy, is that lady crazy?”

    Me: “I think so, babygirl.”

    The Puerile And The Frog

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

    Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

    Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “D***! A frog?”

    Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

    Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

    When The Dog Is Smarter Than Their Owner

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am outside with a small, but very nervous and dog-aggressive dog. He is new to our kennel, so I am trying to spend some time with him to bond, so he will feel more comfortable with my coworkers and I. He has just let me pet him for the first time all day, which is a huge step forward. A client drives up the driveway, and gets out of his car with his Labrador retriever. He begins to open the ‘Employees Only’ gate.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but this area is employees only. Also, I’m working with a very nervous dog, which can be dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to you, your dog, or this dog.”

    Client: “My dog is really friendly. I’m sure they would get along just fine.”

    (The client begins opening the latch to the gate.)

    Me: “Sir, please don’t come in here.”

    (The dog I am working with begins growling and assuming an aggressive stance toward the man’s Lab.)

    Client: “My dog can hold his own against that little thing.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t risk you, myself, or either dog being injured. Please stay on the other side of the gate until I can get this one inside. I’ll help you as soon as I get back.”

    Client: “I’m sure it will be fine. Just let them play!”

    Me: “No. Even if this dog was extremely friendly, there’s at least a 90-pound difference between these two dogs, and I wouldn’t want your dog to accidentally step on this one. Stay right there. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

    (The client opens the gate, and his dog pushes through and charges towards the small dog. I lift up the little dog, which is barking and snapping at the Lab, and trying to squirm out of my arms. He manages to scratch my face from my hairline to my jawline, barely missing my eye. Meanwhile, the Lab is jumping on me, scratching my legs and stomach hard.)


    Client: “Fine, whatever.”

    (He leashes his dog and moves him while I put the little dog back. He is obviously agitated, growling at me through his fenced in area. I get the owner of the kennel to talk to the client about his behavior.)

    Owner: “My staff told me what happened here. Didn’t she tell you not to let your dog in?”

    Client: “I told her my dog wouldn’t get hurt!”

    Owner: “That isn’t the point! She was doing trust exercises with a nervous new dog! You just undid all of her work!”

    Client: “No I didn’t! He seemed fine!”

    Me: *to owner* “The dog just growled at me and tried to bite me through the fence. He wasn’t doing that before.”

    Owner: “Oh my gosh, [my name], you’re bleeding everywhere.”

    (I look down and see that the small dog has scratched my arms during the struggle enough to make me bleed a little, and my legs are starting to bruise and bleed from the Lab jumping on me. However, my face is worse. I see a few drops of blood drop onto my shirt from my forehead.)

    Owner: “I need to get my employee cleaned up. Please take your dog elsewhere. I don’t need any clients who refuse to listen to my employees, who are trained professionals. Please go board your dog elsewhere.”

    Client: “She’s not bleeding that badly! God! I just wanted my dog to play with that dog! If your employee would give him a chance, they’d get along just fine!”

    Owner: “Get your d*** dog out of here before I call the police and every kennel in town, telling them what you did.”

    (After some arguing, the client leaves with his dog. We have never seen him again. The scratches on my arms, legs, and stomach weren’t too bad. However, I do have a small scar just below my hairline from the little dog.)

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