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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Time To Separate The Horse From The Goats

    | VA, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (We offer pony camps during the summer to kids wanting to learn to ride. We have very calm, safe horses to ride, and take all safety measures, but some parents are naturally worrisome.)

    Mom: “Those horses are awfully big… Don’t you have something smaller for my daughter?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, all of our horses are sweet. I’ve ridden all of them over my years here.”

    Mom: “I just think that they’re too big for her. Maybe something smaller? Like a miniature horse?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t really ride a miniature horse…”

    Mom: “Oh! What about that one! It’s perfectly sized for her!”

    Me: “Uh… Ma’am… that’s a goat.”

    (At this point, the daughter was bright red. She ended up riding one of our largest horses and did awesomely. And poor Benny the goat didn’t have to worry!)

    Not Dog’s Best Friend

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

    Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

    Customer: “BAD DOG!”

    (She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

    Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

    (She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

    Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

    Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

    (We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

    A Muddied Understanding

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

    Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

    Me: “Mud baths?”

    Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

    When The Cat’s Away The Dogs Have A Spa Day

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the groomer at a veterinary hospital. Midway through my shift I go to grab a cat I have scheduled for a bath. To keep their stress to a minimum there is a room that is exclusively for cats. All boarding and grooming cats are kept there. As soon as I enter the room the cat is already growling and hissing. Take note: the cat has a short coat and the hair looks very shiny. After a quick glance at the chart I call up the owner.)

    Me: “[Cat] is already a little grumpy, so I’m a bit hesitant to work on him. I don’t want to stress him out any more than I have to. His coat looks pretty clean. Was there a particular reason you wanted him washed today?”

    Client: “Well, my dogs are there to get groomed all the time, getting their spa days. I didn’t want him feeling left out…”

    We’ll Sell You One When Guinea Pigs Fly

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, School, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s late August and temperatures have been in the high 90s since 7 am. It’s now nearly 3 pm when I get a call.)

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have any orange and white guinea pigs?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, all our guinea pigs are black but they’re very sweet and personable.”

    Customer: “No, it really has to be an orange and white one.”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a teacher at [Local Middle School] and I set the class guinea pig outside to clean my classroom this morning. I just checked on him and he’s dead.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re telling me you left that guinea pig outside in near 100-degree weather without checking on him, leading him to die of heat stroke, and you want me to sell you another one?”

    Customer: “…I’m not getting a guinea pig, am I?”

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