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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    A Bona-Fido Law

    | Orem, UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

    (I stop by the store on my way to work. A customer is causing quite a scene, while a manager is trying to deal with her.)

    Customer: “I won’t leave my dog outside! Do you know how cold it is out there? What about cruelty to animals!?”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You should have left him at home. He cannot come in the store.”

    Customer: “Leave him alone? That’s even more cruel!”

    (At that point, I’d about had it, as had several other people. I, however, had recently been researching the city’s laws and ordinances regarding animals.)

    Me: “Excuse me. But did you know, as per city ordinance, article 5-3, it is ‘unlawful for any person to take or permit any dog, whether loose or on a leash or in arms, in or about any establishment or place of business where food or food products are sold or displayed, including… grocery stores?’ The only exceptions are seeing-eye dogs, hearing dogs, and dogs owned by government agencies. As your dog obviously does not meet any of those qualifications, what you are attempting to do is illegal. Do I really need to call the police, or will you leave and take your dog with you?”

    Customer: “Well, I never!” *she storms out, dog in arms*

    Manager: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    Me: “No trouble. What a moron. I don’t even have a cell phone.”

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    Seeing Eye Dog

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I am serving on the counter of a small pharmacy on a busy Saturday. A middle aged lady approaches my desk.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I get something for infected eyes, please?”

    Me: “Of course. When did the problems with your eyes begin?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my dog. His eyes looked really sore this morning!”

    Me: *slightly alarmed* “We don’t sell medicines for pets here, unfortunately. You would have to go a vet to get something for your dog.”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I give him human medicines all the time!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you anything for your dog. I’m not allowed to do that, and what’s more, I wouldn’t want to cause him any harm.”

    Customer: “But… his eyes are the same size as human eyes!”

    Threat Of A Roverdose

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a vet clinic. One of my coworkers answers a call from a customer we had a few days earlier.)

    Customer: “Yes. I’m calling to complain about the service I received the other day.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Four days ago I came over because my dog had parasites. The veterinarian gave me a prescription that says: Give 15 cc once daily for three days. But I don’t know what cc are.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry about the confusion. CC and milliliters are actually the same. If you look closely on the syringe we gave you, you can see that both cc and ml are written on it, next to the number.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve studied pharmacology and I’ve never heard of cc’s so you shouldn’t put it. Also. how am I supposed to give 15 cc to my dog if you only gave me a 5 ml syringe?”

    Coworker: “As I’ve told you, the syringe is graduated in both cc and ml. We give smaller syringe because it makes the medication easier to give. To give 15 cc, you have to give three syringe of 5 cc.”

    Customer: “But I only have one syringe, and I don’t know what cc are!”

    Coworker: “So what have you been giving your dog for the past few days?”

    Customer: “Well, since your prescription was so unclear, I’ve been giving him one full syringe per day.”

    Coworker: “So… you didn’t understand the prescription we gave you, and instead of calling us right away for us to clarify everything you decided to just give him a random amount? And you say you’ve studied in pharmacology?!”

    Customer: “Yes, because your instruction were unclear. You really have to tell your vets that their service is severely lacking!”

    Coworker: “All right… I’ll give them the message.”

    Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

    Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

    (As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

    Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

    Me: “So does my dog.”

    (The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

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