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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Some Customers Are A Pet Hate

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a specific book to help my children deal with the death of a pet.”

    Me: All right. Can you give me the title or author?

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t remember it. But I’ve purchased copies from your store before. I know you have it!”

    (I search for at least fifteen minutes; using every variant on the phrase ‘death of a pet’ I can think of. The customer alternates between telling me about her poor sick dog, insisting that she’s purchased it here before, and that I really should know about it. Finally, I find the book she wants.)

    Customer: “Thank you! That wasn’t all that hard, now, was it?”

    Me: “All right, ma’am. I’m afraid we do not have this book in the store right now. I’ll happily order you a copy—”

    Customer: “When will it get here?”

    Me: “Three to five business days.”

    Customer: “But she’s being put down tomorrow! I was counting on you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but this is the best I can do, unless you want to order the book from our website yourself and pay extra for overnight shipping.”

    Customer: “… You know what? Never mind. I’ll just tell the kids she went to live on a farm, and tell them the truth in a few years.” *click*

    Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (A male customer comes up to me and shows me a male dog’s belly. Note that I am a rather young woman.)

    Customer: “What are those bumps on his belly?”

    Me: “Those are nipples.”

    Customer: “But I thought you said it was a boy.”

    Me: “He is a boy.”

    Customer: *horrified* “So why does he have nipples?”

    Me: “All mammals have nipples, sir. Don’t you?”

    Customer: “I… I guess you’re right.”

    (The customer turns six shades of red and walks away. This is not the first time that exact exchange has transpired.)

    A Bona-Fido Law

    | Orem, UT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Wild & Unruly

    (I stop by the store on my way to work. A customer is causing quite a scene, while a manager is trying to deal with her.)

    Customer: “I won’t leave my dog outside! Do you know how cold it is out there? What about cruelty to animals!?”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You should have left him at home. He cannot come in the store.”

    Customer: “Leave him alone? That’s even more cruel!”

    (At that point, I’d about had it, as had several other people. I, however, had recently been researching the city’s laws and ordinances regarding animals.)

    Me: “Excuse me. But did you know, as per city ordinance, article 5-3, it is ‘unlawful for any person to take or permit any dog, whether loose or on a leash or in arms, in or about any establishment or place of business where food or food products are sold or displayed, including… grocery stores?’ The only exceptions are seeing-eye dogs, hearing dogs, and dogs owned by government agencies. As your dog obviously does not meet any of those qualifications, what you are attempting to do is illegal. Do I really need to call the police, or will you leave and take your dog with you?”

    Customer: “Well, I never!” *she storms out, dog in arms*

    Manager: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    Me: “No trouble. What a moron. I don’t even have a cell phone.”

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    Seeing Eye Dog

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I am serving on the counter of a small pharmacy on a busy Saturday. A middle aged lady approaches my desk.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I get something for infected eyes, please?”

    Me: “Of course. When did the problems with your eyes begin?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my dog. His eyes looked really sore this morning!”

    Me: *slightly alarmed* “We don’t sell medicines for pets here, unfortunately. You would have to go a vet to get something for your dog.”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I give him human medicines all the time!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you anything for your dog. I’m not allowed to do that, and what’s more, I wouldn’t want to cause him any harm.”

    Customer: “But… his eyes are the same size as human eyes!”

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