November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Bird Brained, Part 11

| USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I have just bought four cups of nectar to feed the rainbow lorikeets at the zoo. After finding a somewhat calm place to stand, I make no indication I notice the birds and am soon covered in them. The birds are only going towards the adults and older (quieter) kids. The younger kids start coming over to me trying to get birds to jump onto them and drink out of their cups.)

Kid: “You’ve got so many birds! I want one!”

Me: “Here, just stand next to me and don’t move. They’ll come right over!”

(He stands next to me but squeals every time a bird comes near him and scares it away. Then his mom comes over.)

Mom: “Oh, wow! You have so many birds with you! Can you pass one to my son?”

Me: “I’ll try, but the birds don’t like noise. If he can stand still and quiet they’ll land on him.”

(I try to pass a bird to the kids hand but it jumps back to mine.)

Mom: “Stop hogging all the birds! This is really unfair to the kids!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve just been standing here. The birds are coming to me.”

Mom: “So you should be passing them to the kids, then! This is a zoo! This is a place for CHILDREN, not immature adults!”

Me: “You’re being very rude. I’ve already tried passing the birds off but it’s not my fault if they don’t want to sit with them. The zoo is a place for anyone to enjoy, not just kids.”

(She doesn’t respond but starts trying to grab birds off of me or shoo them away. One of them starts squawking and bites her.)

Mom: “Ugh! This zoo is atrocious! How dare they have such untrained, disgusting animals allowed to hurt people!”

(She stormed off to complain to a zookeeper.)

Bird Brained, Part 10
Bird Brained, Part 9
Bird Brained, Part 8

Acting Not So Pretty In Pink

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I work at the zoo in the gift shop, where we sell all sorts of zoo- and animal-themed things. On this particular day, a customer and his young son are inside looking at the merchandise. I overhear the dad tell his son he can pick anything he wants and shortly after the son walks over to his father and asks.)

Son: *as he hold up a stuffed animal* “Dad can I have this one?”

(The dad looks annoyed and scolds his son:)

Dad: “No, you can’t! It’s pink! Pink is for girls!”

(The son begins to cry so the dad sighs and turns to me holding a stuffed animal and says:)

Dad: “Hey, you. I want this bird in a boy color like blue.”

Me: “Sir, that toy only comes in pink. It doesn’t come in blue.”

Dad: “Well, why the h*** not!?”

Me: “”Sir, that’s a flamingo.”

Wild And Unruly

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a company that owns a whale watching business. Whale watching season is generally between May and November every year, when the whales pass the Sydney coastline going up to Queensland to give birth and then when they go back down to Antarctica. Sometimes (very rarely) one or two whales decide to make a pit-stop in Sydney Harbour before continuing on their way.)

Me: *phone rings* “Good afternoon, [Company].”

Customer: “What time do the whales come into the Harbour?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What time do the whales come into the Harbour?”

Me: “I do apologise but I can’t tell you what time the whales will be in the Harbour. However, if you would like to join one of our whale watching cruises—”

Customer: “What do you mean you can’t tell me what time they’ll be in the Harbour? There was one in there yesterday!”

Me: “Yes, I know. It was very exciting. However, that whale has moved on now and I can’t guarantee when the next one will come into the Harbour.”

Customer: “Aren’t you a whale watching company?”

Me: “Yes, we operate three kinds of tours—”

Customer: “So why can’t you tell me what time the whales will be in the f***ing Harbour?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but whales are wild animals and we can’t control—”

Customer: “What do you mean they’re ‘wild animals’?!”

Me: “…They live in the wild. They are wild animals. We are an Eco-tour that watches whales in their natural habitat… in the wild…”

Customer: “This is bull-s***. I knew we should have gone to Sea World!” *click*

Turn That Arrrrr Into An Awww

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(It’s about a week before Halloween. I’m working at a pet store when a man walks in dressed like a pirate. The entire time we’re having this conversation my coworker and I are trying not to laugh.)

Customer: “I would like to look at your parrots.”

Me: “Parrots? Yeah, we have those right over there in the bird section.”

(He asks a few questions about the various birds we have on sale and eventually decides on a Sun Conure.)

Customer: “Thank you! Now the seas won’t be so lonely!”

(He came in a few days later with his new pet to buy some bird toys and to show us the tiny pirate bandana he made it.)

This Prank Is On A Roll

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am a vet tech at a busy vet clinic. A client comes in with his intact male puppy. After the physical exam, the dog rolls over onto his back in a submissive stance. The owner starts freaking out.)

Owner: “His testicles are rolling up!”

(The vet and I look at each other a bit confused.)

Owner: “The breeder said that the dog’s testicles would go back into his abdomen if he rolled onto his back! I’ve spent the last ten weeks preventing my dog from rolling over!”

(We laughed about this for weeks afterwards.)

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