(I’m just getting over a bad case of poison ivy when this happens. I’m called over by a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “Hey, ugly! Can you help me?”

Coworker: “What did you call her?!”

Customer: “What she is.” *to me* “Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, moron.”

Customer: “What did you call me?!”

Me: “What you are.”