Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

(I point out several of the other options.)

Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”