Bottom-Rung Bozos

(This takes place in a small mom-and-pop gift store. I am about seven months pregnant.)

Customer: “Hey, you, girl! I need one of those games at the top of the shelf.”

Me: “Sure, no problem, sir. Just give me a moment to finish up here and I’ll grab it.”

Customer: “Well, hurry up!”

(The customer continues to mutter about me being useless. I go to grab the ladder when my coworker, who happens to be the owner’s son, sees this.)

Coworker: *to me* “Oh, hey… You don’t need to be on that ladder. I got it.”

Customer: *to my coworker* “What?! No, I asked her. Let her do it!”

Coworker: “Sir, it’s not safe for her to be up there right now.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULDN’T BE ACCOMMODATING TO FATTIES!”

(Note: the customer himself is extremely large.)

Coworker: “Sir, she’s pregnant, not fat.”

Customer: “Stupid b**** is just fat! You shouldn’t accommodate fatties! She’s just a fat b****! Make her do her job! STOP ACCOMMODATING THE FATTIES!”

Me: “Sir, I’m seven months pregnant, not fat, and if you continue to use vulgar language, I will have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “You stupid b****! Do your d*** job, you stupid fat a**!”

Me: “I’m refusing you service. Please leave.”

Customer: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! GET THAT D*** GAME! I PAY YOUR SALARY!”

(The owner, who has overheard the entire exchange, comes over.)

Owner: “Sir, you shouldn’t be carrying on and calling people fatties… especially pregnant women.”

Customer: “F*** YOU! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Owner: “I’ll do you one better: I own this store, and if I see you in my store again, I will have you arrested for trespassing. Oh, and NO, you don’t pay her salary. I do, and I plan to give her a big raise after this.”

Customer: “SCREW YOU! You can’t talk to me this way. I’m a paying customer!”

Coworker: “Hey, buddy, you just blow in from stupid town? You haven’t bought anything.”

Customer: “DON’T ACCOMMODATE FATTIES!”

(In his anger, he knocks a rack of merchandise over and hauls out of the store as fast as he can.)

Coworker: “I’m going to call the police.”

(The customer was arrested less than a block away, and I got a raise.)

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