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    Books On Surveillance Tape

    | Allentown, PA, USA |

    Me: “**** Library, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I have some books that are due tomorrow, but I need to keep them longer.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ll need your name so I can renew the books.”

    Caller: *scandalized* “You need my what?”

    Me: “Your name, ma’am. So I can call up your account on my computer.”

    Caller: “You have my account?! How did you get that? Do you have my Social Security number?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I mean your library account. When you came in to get your library card, you filled out a form with your name, address, phone number, and email, so that we can contact you if you ever have overdue books. We don’t have your social security number.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m not giving out my name to a complete stranger over the phone!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Perhaps you could give me the titles of the books?”

    Caller: “Why do you need to know what I’m reading?! The books are due tomorrow! Just renew them!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s no way I can look up books by the due date. Without your name or the titles of the books, I can’t help you.”

    Caller: “You’re trying to steal my identity! I’m calling the cops.”

    Me: *giving up* “You do that, ma’am.” *hangs up*

    Co-worker: “You should have told her we put cameras in the books.”