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    Best. Grandpa. Ever.

    | Portland, ME, USA | Top

    (I work at a small grocery store owned by my Grandpa. It’s in the middle of summer and a customer wearing a thick jacket comes in.)

    Customer: “Can I get some cigarettes?”

    Grandpa: “Excuse me, would you mind open your jacket up?”

    Customer: “No, why would I do that!”

    Grandpa: “Sir, I saw you take that beer. Give it back and we won’t press charges.”

    Customer: “That’s crazy, I didn’t take anything!”

    Grandpa: “Sir, I–”

    (The customer seems like he is about to run, and my grandpa grabs his arm. The customer tries to shove him away, but in the process he opens his coat and reveals the stolen goods.)

    Customer: “GET OFF!”

    (My grandpa grabs his balls, and begins squeezing them.)

    Grandpa: “Just put the beer down, and I won’t pop them!”

    (He put the beer down.)