Best Customer (And Most Expensive Envelopes) Ever

Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Service Provider]’s Financial Services Department. May I have your mobile number, please?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain that I have not been receiving payment return envelopes with my statements each month.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Let me get your mobile number so I can pull up your account and see what’s going on.”

Caller: *gives account number*

Me: “Okay, just give me a minute to look through the account and see what’s going on.”

(Looking through his payment history, I notice he’s been paying $60 a month for a $20 a month plan for nearly two years. As a result, he has over $1,000 in credit on his account.)

Me: “Okay, sir, thanks for holding. It looks like the reason we haven’t been sending you envelopes is because you haven’t owed us any money for the past two years or so.”

Caller: “But I’ve been using the service! How do I not owe you any money?”

Me: “Well, your bill is only about 20 dollars a month and you’ve been consistently overpaying each month.”

Caller: “Yes, I know! I have money now and what if one day I don’t? I want to be able to have my cell phone! I NEED envelopes! Can you send me some right away?”

Me: “Sir, basically you could not pay your cell phone bill for about the next several years and not have to worry about it. Why not let some of that balance wear down? You’ve really been paying way too much!”

Caller: “But I need more envelopes! I don’t know why you can’t just send me some!”

Me: “Sir, it’s all done in a warehouse. We don’t actually have stacks of letters laying around our office. Since the company isn’t sending you envelopes, why not just go purchase some from a store?”

Caller: “No, I can’t do that!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take care of this for you…”

(I end the call, hunt down a few generic non-labeled envelopes from the supply cabinet, and mail them to the customer. I check back on his account a few days later and he had called in to thank us for sending him the envelopes!)