(I’ve brought a large pepperoni pizza with me to work. After I get my customers out of the store, I grab a slice and sit to enjoy it. At this precise moment, a regular who is a total prick walks in. Note: I only share food with people I genuinely like.)

Me: “Good evening. How are you?”

Regular: “What’re you doing?” *cranes his neck to see what I’m eating* “Oh! You have pizza! Give me a piece!”

(I close the box and move it out of his reach.)

Me: “No way! It’s mine!”

Regular: “Well, why not? It’s not like you’re going to eat the whole thing, skinny b****!”

Me: “Yeah, like insulting me is going to convince me to give you a slice.”

Regular: “Why can’t you just give me a piece?! You’re not going to eat the whole thing! Skinny b****es don’t eat much!”

Me: “You’re not getting my food. ”

Regular: “Well, I’ll tell [my manager]. She’ll make you give me a piece!”

Me: “Yeah, go ahead. She’s in the office.”

(The regular opens the office door and pokes his head in.)

Regular: [My manager], [my name] won’t share her pizza! Make her share!”

My Manager: “It’s her pizza. She bought it with her own money. I can’t make her give it to you.”

Regular: “What!? But I want pizza!”

My Manager: “Well, go buy yourself one then.”

Regular: *storms out without buying anything*

My Manager: “That was strange.”

Me: “Yep.” *holding out the box* “Want a slice?”