Attack Of The Nerds

(I’m shopping with my boyfriend, who goes into another aisle to browse. A large man walks up to me. My boyfriend’s basically the definition of a geek: skinny and pale. He’s also so sweet and reserved that he’s hesitant to hurt insects.)

Guy: “Hey, babe. Come here often?”

(I do my best to ignore him and go about picking books.)

Guy: “Cold shoulder, huh? Come on, babe. Don’t be like that.”

(I put the book back and shoot him a glare.)

Me: “I’m here with my boyfriend. If you’re looking for love you should go look somewhere else.”

(I see his face scrunch up in anger. About the same time my boyfriend walks up. I assume he’s been listening from the other aisle.)

Boyfriend: “Who is this guy?”

Guy: “Wait, your boyfriend’s this pasty runt? Girl, step aside. I’m gonna kick this geek’s a**.”

Me: “No, you are not!”

(I stand between them. The guy shoves me aside into the bookshelf. It falls over on top of me. I’m dazed by the force and can’t think straight. I just hear a lot of loud noises and screaming and fear the worst. By the time I pick myself up, I see my boyfriend with a welt on his face. He is standing over the the guy who attacked us, who is laying on the ground unconscious with his arm obviously broken at the elbow.)

Me: “What happened?!”

(My boyfriend puts his head down and starts whimpering.)

Boyfriend: “I… he… he pushed you and I just got really upset. I kept thinking that he may have hurt you and it made me get angry. Next thing I knew, I just… did that.”

(My boyfriend seemed legitimately upset that he hurt the man, even if it was in my defense. An employee who had watched the whole thing called for the police and some paramedics. After reviewing the security footage, the police deemed my boyfriend acted in self-defense and wasn’t going to be charged. The guy was arrested for assault and battery. We’ve been happily married for three years now. He’s still reserved and the definition of a pacifist, but he’s made it no secret that he’d fight a giant to protect me again if it came down to it.)