An Ink-ling That They’ve Been Cell-eeping Around

Customer: “Hey man, you do printers? I got this printer here. It doesn’t work, doesn’t print, doesn’t take paper, and just says ‘carriage jam.’ How much you tryin’ to charge me here?”

Me: “Whoa, hold on. Let’s take a look. It’s usually just a piece of paper in there. No big deal.”

(I plug the printer in, load up some scrap paper to test it on, and hit the copy button. It makes a makes a horrible grinding noise and shakes so hard the front panel pops open.)

Me: “Okay, that’s not a piece of paper. Any idea what happened?”

Customer: “No, man. I was just printing… uh… pictures, man… just nothing for work, you know?”

(I open all the access doors and start pushing against the rollers. I see a gray object with a headphone jack and a screen on it stuck way down into the mechanism.)

Me: “Sir, have you lost a cell phone recently?”

Customer: “No, man. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a printer, man. PRIN-TER.”

Me: “No, I know. It’s just… you seem to have a cellphone stuck down in there.”

I turn the printer around and show the customer. I eventually get his cellphone out. I go to print his receipt and he powers up the phone. Suddenly, the customer starts screaming, scaring everyone in the store.)

Customer: “That b****! F***ing w****! It’s HIS phone!” *breaks the phone*

(The customer gets a grip on himself and manages to pay his bill.)

Customer: “Knew it! F***ing knew it!” *walks out the store, minus his printer or cellphone*