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    Allergy Season Nightmare

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

    Me: “OK, what’s your account number?”

    Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

    Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

    Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.”

    Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

    Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

    Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…”

    Customer: *sneezes*

    (About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…”

    (I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

    Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

    Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

    Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

    Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN – WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

    Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

    Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*