(A customer calls our restaurant over a supposed sandwich issue…)

Customer: “Yeah, I think someone spit or drooled in my sandwich.”

Me: “Oh? I’m sorry to hear that sir. Did you see the employee spit in your sandwich?”

Customer: “It was the guy with the green hair. Well, I think. My fiancee saw him do it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Bring the sandwich in and we’ll replace it or issue you a refund.”

Customer: “I can’t. My fiancee told me what she saw after we ate our sandwiches.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Store policy requires for you to return a portion of the item purchased.”

Customer: “But he spit in it!”

Me: “Are you sure that the sandwich is what you should be concerned about? I mean, she did let you eat the whole thing.”

Customer: *click*