Acute Mental Failure

(At our hospital, patients are called into private registration rooms where all demographic information is completed.)

Me: “Come on in and we’ll get your paperwork ready.”

(The patient enters the room and I close the door.)

Me: “So, how are you?”

Patient: “…”

(There are two large comfy chairs in front of the patient, but she’s still standing.)

Me: “Uh… everything okay?”

Patient: “…”

Me: “Well, uh, so… what procedure are you having today?”

Patient: “…”

Me: “Is that your doctor’s order?”

Patient: “…”

(The patient throws the paper at me. It has most of the info I need to register her, so I don’t ask any more questions. After a minute, I have all of her paperwork ready. During this entire time, still hasn’t sat down.)

Me: “Alright, here is your face sheet. If you’ll go down the hall and hand that to radiology they’ll take care of the rest.”

Patient: “Let me ask you a question now. Why didn’t you tell me to have a seat? You are the most rude person I have ever met!”

(She takes her papers and pushes on the door to open it, not realizing she needs to pull.)

Patient: “Ahhhh! Let me out of here, he’s locked me in! Help, help!”

(The patient knocks over my computer, flips the chairs and starts throwing stuff at me; I hide under the desk during her rampage. Hearing the commotion, security comes in and the patient runs out of the room and out of the hospital, never to be seen again. Afterwards…)

Security: “They really should start paying you more.”