He Lost His Marbles First

(I work in the reception area for a busy department on campus. A student comes in.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Man: “Okay, this is going to sound forward, but…” *looks around* “…can I lose my virginity to you?”

Me: “Um, excuse me?!”

Man: “I’m desperate. I’m a senior, and if I don’t lose it by the time I graduate, I’ll be such a loser.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I really don’t think so.”

Man: “I’ll pay you! Seriously, I’ll even take you out to dinner.”

Me: “Again, no, and if you don’t have anything serious you need help with, please be on your way.”

Man: “Well… are you guys hiring?”