Upgraded From Girlfriend To Wife

(The Saturday of our wedding. I’m making the groom’s speech. I throw in an adlib.)

Me: “It’s traditional to praise your wife, and say how lovely she looks, however when I saw [Wife] at the altar I thought ‘bloody h***, they’ve sent the upgrade!'”

(This is followed by much laughter. The following Tuesday, my new wife turns to me, looking confused.)

Wife: “What do you mean ‘they sent the upgrade’?”