(I honestly can’t say how many times I have had this conversation in the ER)

Me: “Is there any chance you are pregnant?”

Patient: “No?”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you sexually active?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you still have periods?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you on birth control?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Do you use condoms?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Has your husband/significant other/autistic baboon had a vasectomy?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “So let me get this straight. You are still menstruating, have unprotected sex, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Look, if you are having sex and not trying to prevent getting pregnant, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

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