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    A Roll Rehearsal Before Bowel Reversal

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working the front desk and checking in a guest.)

    Me: “…and here are your room keys. Your room is located on the third floor and will be on the right hand side of the elevator. If there’s absolutely anything you need just press zero on your phone and I’ll be sure to assist you. Enjoy your stay.”

    Guest: “Can I ask you for something now?”

    Me: “Of course, sir. Anything you need would be my pleasure to serve.”

    Guest: “Can I get five rolls of toilet paper?”

    Me: “The rooms come standard with two rolls. Would you like an additional three rolls to total the room out to five rolls, or would you like five additional rolls to total seven rolls?”

    Guest: “I would like the five additional rolls, please.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but unfortunately there is a $1 fee per excess roll. Between you and me, if you wait until the morning, the housekeepers will change out your toilet paper anyway and you won’t have to pay for it.”

    Guest: “I need the five rolls tonight. I only bought this room because if I’m going to destroy a bathroom after my mother-in-law’s cooking, it ain’t gonna be my job to clean it up…”