(I was working for the billing department for a big cable company. I speak English clearly, but it’s my second language.)

Lady: “I just got my bill and it says I owe you $400 in adult films, but I haven’t watched them.”

Me: ¬†”I apologize for the inconvenience, but we got that information from your receiver.¬†Do you think maybe somebody in your house might ordered them?”

Lady: ¬†”No, there’s only me and my nephew.”

Me: ¬†”How old is your nephew?”

Lady: ¬†”He’s 14 years old, but he would never do that! I need you to credit my account for the whole amount.”

Me: ¬†”Again, I apologize for the inconvenience but I won’t be able to do this at this time. I see we have credited your account twice in the last six months.”

Lady: ¬†”I need the credit NOW, you hear me!”

Me: ¬†”I understand your frustration, but as I told you before it’s impossible for me to do that at this moment.”

Lady: “What? What did you say? I can’t understand you… you have a really thick accent!”

Me: “I apologize, I said I won’t be able to credit your account at this time.”

Lady: “What? You need to learn English before you get on the phones, I can’t understand a word you said!”

Me: “Okay… so would you like me to credit your account for 600 dollars?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s what I’m asking for! THANK YOU…”

Me: ¬†”Oh, so now you understand my English. ¬†Sorry, we cannot credit your account at this time.”

Lady: ¬†”Let me speak to a supervisor!”

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A Nasty Case Of Selective Illiteracyosis