A Few Slices Short Of A Pie

(I am taking an order over the phone. The caller has never ordered here before and isn’t familiar with the menu.)

Caller: “How many slices are on your twelve-inch?”

Me: “Eight.”

Caller: “What about your eighteen-inch?”

Me: “Eight.”

Caller: “I thought the twelve-inch had eight slices.”

Me: “It does. They both have eight slices.”

Caller: “How is that possible? If they both have eight slices, shouldn’t they be the same size?”

Me: “No, miss. The slices are just different sizes. The number of slices doesn’t make the size of the pizza. They both have eight slices, but the eighteen-inch has much bigger slices.”

Caller: “Oh. Right. Can you cut it twice, to make the slices smaller?”

Me: “Of course. We can double-cut it for you.”

Caller: “So, how many slices would that be? What, twelve?”

Me: “Sixteen.”

Caller: “No. If you normally have eight slices, and you cut them twice, it should be twelve pieces, not sixteen.”

Me: “It’s sixteen, Miss. Eight times two is sixteen.”

Caller: “Whatever… I don’t think so. You have wings?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “What sizes?”

Me: “Eight, twelve, eighteen, twenty-four, and fifty.”

Caller: “Oh, alright. I’ll take a ten-piece.”

Me: “We have an eight-piece and a twelve-piece.”

Caller: “No, I said a ten-piece.”

Me: “I know… we don’t have a ten-piece, but we do have an eight-piece or a twelve-piece.”

Caller: “I’m pretty sure you have a ten-piece. My sister said she always gets a ten-piece. Are you new? Maybe you should check the menu!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for three years. We’ve never had a ten-piece and I’m looking at the menu on the computer right now. Eight or twelve?”

Caller: “Fine. Twelve!”