A Doolittle Goes A Long Way

(I’ve been warned that a raccoon lives in our restaurant’s dumpster. One day when I take out the trash, it jumps up on the lid and scares me. The next day, I’m talking to a coworker about it.)

Coworker: “You just have to talk to him.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Talk to him; let him know what’s up. Here, I’ll show you.”

(She grabs an armful of boxes and we head out to the dumpster and she throws them in. I jump as I hear the raccoon make a sound.)

Coworker: “Sorry if I hit ya, Coonie.”

Raccoon: *series of raccoon sounds*

Coworker: “Well sorry! You should find a more suitable place to sleep then.”

Raccoon: *long series of sounds*

Coworker: “I know; they’re just boxes..”

Raccoon: *more sounds*

Coworker: “Well, it’s still daytime. Go back to sleep and someone will feed you later.”

Raccoon: *short sound*

Coworker: “Well, sorry!” *to me* “He’s cranky in the mornings.”

(After that, I always talked to the raccoon. He’s never talked back to me, but he’s never jumped out at me again either!)