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    A Close Shave With Stupidity

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

    Me: *repeats order*

    Customer: “Thi-CK.”

    Me: “Yes. thick.”

    Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

    Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

    Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

    Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

    (There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)