Avoid The Weighty Issues

(I’ve just been to the apartment office to get something I need for the morning. The woman at the desk commented that I’m losing weight. I get back to the apartment.)

Me: “Babe, am I losing weight?”

Partner: *kisses me* “Oh, baby, you look beautiful the way you are.”

(I ask again and get another kiss and the same answer so I decide to have some fun.)

Me: “Do these shorts make my butt look big?”

Partner: *sputtering* “Uh… You’re beautiful just the way you are!”