Shouldn’t Bat A Drooping Eyelid

(My 11th grade US history teacher has a habit of carrying around a yellow plastic ball bat as he taught his class. Sometimes he twirls it like a baton, but mostly he just uses it as a pointer to call on us. On the first day of school one of the kids in the class raises his hand and points at it.)

Student: “Sir, what’s up with the bat?”

Teacher: “Oh, nothing special. Just something I like to carry with me. Comes in handy every now and then.”

Student: *puzzled* “Handy for what?”

Teacher: “Never mind, for now.”

(About three months later, the same student is falling asleep in class, despite the kids next to him trying to get him to stay awake. After waiting a few minutes, when the student is really out, our teacher quietly walks up the kid’s desk. He raises the bat and slams it down on the edge of the desk, creating a truly deafening slap.)

Student: *jumps in his seat* “GAH! Hey, man!”

(The teacher wiggles the bat. We notice that it has a few dents in it, most likely from previous swings.)

Teacher: “It comes in handy for that. Now. Where were we?”