Caught In The Middle

(We have a substitute teacher come in for the day for my biology class. Most substitute teachers call students by their first names until they know a nickname, or you give them permission to use your middle name. My middle name is rather common, while my first name is more antique and unheard of in my generation. We are sitting in alphabetical order.)

Substitute: “Okay, who is present. [Classmate’s First Name]?”

Classmate: “Present!”

Substitute: “[My Middle Name]?”

Class: *looks around* “Who’s [middle name]?”

Substitute: “Is she sick?”

Classmate: “There’s no one in here that goes by that name, ma’am.”

Substitute: “You’re sure?”

Classmate: “Yes, ma’am.”

Substitute: “Okay then. [Next Classmate’s Name]?”

Me: “Ma’am, you skipped my name! I should be right after [Classmate]. My name is [First Name].”

Substitute: “Oh, so you’re [Middle Name]! Why didn’t you respond? That’s rude.”

Me: “Because I don’t go by my middle name? If my mom wanted me to go by [Middle Name], she would have used it as my first name!”

(The whole class is laughing.)

Substitute: *blushing* “No one goes by that name anymore!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I do. My middle name is too common, anyway.”

Substitute: “No, it’s not. You are the only one with that name in this class.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, there are two others in this class with that same middle name. Why did you decide to call me by that name, and not them?”

Substitute: “Because no one goes by [First Name] anymore!”