He’s Absolutely Killing It

(My husband has a friend who is very well known for putting his foot in it. Recently we’ve had a heart attack, aneurysm, and cancer-scare on three male members of our close family in the space of one week. In the following, my husband is about to tell another friend about why we haven’t been around recently.)

Friend: “Now, hang on; you best let him know first that everyone is still alive.”

Husband: “Oh, yeah, everyone is still alive.”

Friend: “Well, at the moment.”

Husband: “…”

Friend: “Oh, s***! I’ve done it again, haven’t I?”