Getting Smashed At The Bar

(I am getting a cocktail at an outdoor concert. Behind me are a pair of women who appear to be together.)

Bartender: “Hi, what would you like?”

Me: “May I please have a rum and coke?”

Bartender: “Sure! Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I take out my driver’s license to show to the bartender, and hold it over the counter facing her so she can see my age. The bartender takes one look at my license, shrieks, and jumps back three feet. At this point, I’m wondering what I did to upset her so much.)

Bartender: “Spider!”

(I pull the license back, and sure enough, there’s a spider on the counter right underneath my license. Decent sized one, too.)

Me: “Come on; let’s get you out of here.”

(I try to get the spider to climb onto my license. The spider runs the other way.)

Bartender: “Here!”

(She throws a pile of napkins to me without getting any closer. The spider starts heading towards my side of the counter. I hold the napkins underneath the counter and the spider walks up onto the napkins. From behind me, I hear a customer.)

Customer #1: “I would’ve just smashed the spider.”

(I pick up the napkin and move a few feet away from the counter to let the spider go.)

Me: “There you go, little guy.”

Customer #2: “I want to pay for his drink.”

Me: “What? No, it’s cool. I just like spiders.”

(I show my ID to the bartender, and while I reach into my wallet to pay, Customer #2 pays for my drink.)

Me: “Oh, wow, thanks. I really appreciate that.”

Customer #1: “I guess that’s why she won’t pay for my drink; I would’ve just smashed it.”

(I thanked all involved parties again and left. When I took a sip from my drink, it was stronger than I was expecting. I’m pretty sure the bartender put in an extra shot for me!)