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    £500 Non-Pays Of Summer

    | Brighton, England, UK |

    (A elderly customer buys an incredible amount of food, most of which is dried pasta and tinned fruit. The total comes to £500.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your card has been declined due to insufficient funds.”

    Customer: “Why is that?”

    Me: “You don’t have enough money in your account.”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it seems you don’t.”

    Customer: “No, I do. I let Prime Minister David Cameron borrow some. He’ll put it back in soon.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. But you mustn’t tell anyone. I need this food now, so can you just put it through, please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but without the money, I cannot complete your transaction.”

    Customer: “When I go into hibernation for the summer, I’ll need to have plenty of food in my house.”

    (I am shocked into silence.)

    Customer: “You’re beautiful. How about we hibernate together this summer, sweetie?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Here’s my address. Look me up as soon as July hits!”

    (She hands me a piece of paper and hurries out of the shop. I look at the piece of paper. It is actually just a drawing of the sun, with the words ‘TRUST NO ONE’ written below.)